Psychiatry & Psychology--General/help
Hello, I'll start with, I wish I could make this brief sorry, please excuse the length but I'm in search of help. I have suffered from anxiety on and off for years. But always managed to come out of it. A few yrs. ago I spoke with a psychologist who said that I was OK in other words normal. I had a few sessions she told me how to relax. I know I have a phobia to doctors hospitals etc. which is the cause of my anxiety due to the fact that I've had 2 bad experiences with doctors.
I saw a female physician a few yrs. back because I had a breast lump. Needless to say it was a little frightening but I thought I handled it very well. Being female I thought she would be the better choice, for my problem ...She was not a very pleasant person. I simply asked because of soreness could this be a cyst. She came half way out of her chair looked over the desk, and in a loud voice I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR YOU HAVE A MASS AND IT NEEDS TO COME OUT. I'm sure the entire office heard her. Luckily the surgeon across the hall agreed to see me. I walked in numb with anxiety. He was as nice as she was not. He told me at my age this happens and after a needle biopsy said I'm very sure you're going to feel a whole lot better when you leave my office. How right he was.
But because the first doctor told me I needed to have the mass removed and biopsy, I 've never quite got over it. It exacerbated this terrible condition...started anxiety which has been on and off.. I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry you have to read this, but I need some direction. I was visiting in a nursing home a stomach flu had broke out. I caught it, I went through the usual symptoms and in about 2 days felt OK, some had a real bad case... the staff nurses etc. which are younger had a severe case, one ended up in the hospital...then within the month it came back again, and of course I caught it again. Same as before nothing too bad. again some had a bad case lasting a few days. a very short time after this, I had numbness to my face hand and foot. There was no pain, and it lasted a few mins. It's periodic a couple of times.... Of course I tried not to panic. Again was told it could be all kinds of terrible things. Again anxiety starts, so back to my terrible phobia... Then I found a site that said stomach flu can precede this sort of numbness. and it clears up eventually. Caused by a viral infection..I was greatly relieved
I've yet to find a compassionate doctor. I don't have a fear of death just how I die. In the 21st century people shouldn't suffer. I'm considered a senior citizen. I've lost a few friends and saw how they suffered. The medical profession was not compassionate at all, their attitude was nothing we can do so live with it or too bad..Only one doctor was better than most because he could see my friend wasn't able to handle illness. He was truly kind. Thank God for him.. Part of my anxiety is taking medication I saw what that did to my friend. Again so sorry you had to hear all this, and I truly appreciate your kindness to help neurotics like me. I'm not sure what I'm asking was it the stomach flu or my foolish anxiety, will I ever be free of this, do I need a lot of analysis. might be too expensive. intellectually I know it's not all the horrible things that was suggested but emotionally I'm having a hard time. anxiety causes all kinds of irrational thinking. I know you'll probably say see a doctor, but I'm hoping for a little more than that. At one time I went to doctors, but as time went on the doctors became more stern offered no hope. Tests tests the mention of tests starts panic and anxiety for me as soon as I think of the tests, I get panic attacks. if you go through these tests they send you home to wait wait wait. And anxiety and panic attacks start due to waiting. I 've talked to several people like me, surprised that some are worse than I am. Why can't they drug you until they find the answer?? yes I'm being foolish but just can't stand the fact of sitting home waiting waiting...
Thank you so much for your time. I hope you can direct me I know I did a lot of rambling and you need to figure out what I'm talking about.. I'm not sure I made any sense, wish I could live a calm life I don't think I'll be able to Again I thank you very much. Can I make a donation of some sort for the bother I'm causing. To a charity?
"I know you'll probably say see a doctor, but I'm hoping for a little more than that..."
Well, a therapist, at least, although the alternative would be to stay very active in the community with various volunteer work or just fun activities (bowling leagues, etc). Most people are very kind and the more you hang around people the more you will remember that.