Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Anger
Expert: Dr. Hughes - 10/2/2006
QuestionHello Sir,
I am 29 years old and I love a girl. I am too possessive about her that I can't even bear the fact that she goes out shopping with her friends. I acted very immature in chasing her till the shopping mall and shouting at her in front of everyone. I was extremely furious. I don't really understand why I did that. She is extremely disturbed about it and has decided that she will never ever meet them again.
I am feeling very guilty about this.
What should I do? How can I control my anger. I don't want to lose her because of this.
AnswerRamani,
You clearly have issues with anger management coupled with insecurities and jealousies and control issues. Although right now you probably feel some remorse, the type of situation you described has probably happened many times before and will continue to happen unless you get help. Your behaviors might even escalate from yelling to physical violence if they haven't already. You need to take a break from this relationship and not pursue a new one until you work on this problem. Your girlfriend might want to stay by to support you, but you should really focus more on yourself for a while. If you both insist on keeping your relationship going at this point, it is imperative that she receive her own counseling (for example, what is it about her that she is attracted to someone who publicly harrasses her?) and you both might want couples work as well. I recommend finding a social worker or clinical psychologist. Tell them you have "anger managment issues".
This might sound extreme to you, but I've seen this pattern a great deal and unless you take action to change the situation, it only worsens and usually both people end up very damaged in some way. You could end up in jail.
Just the fact that you wrote the question indicates a williningness to make changes. That is a very good sign. Once you get your anger/control issues in a better place, you will be open to a much more rewarding and peaceful way of life.