Question Hello. My name is Caitlin. I'm 19 years old. When I was younger I used to have a lot of symptoms of compulsiveness, many rituals and touching stuff, but most of them I outgrew. It hasn't bothered me too much in the past years. Since highschool especially I've had very little of the compulsions, sometimes just what I call "bad thoughts." When I'm driving I worry that maybe I will swerve into oncoming traffic or that I will close my eyes or just press on the gas. When I see a knife I think that maybe I will take it and hurt someone. I play with my birt and I have thoughts of hitting him (he's very small so could easily be smashed). I don't know why I think these thoughts! I don't want to do any of them and it really upsets me that I have them. Where do they come from? They have been much worse in the past week since I found out that an aquantince of mine was killed in a water accident. Since then I've also been obsessed with thoughts of death. I stay awake in my bed for an hour or so because I'm afraid I will die. I dread going to bed becasue this is when these thoughts really come out. I don't know why this is happening all of a sudden. I don't have the compulsions with it, just these thoughts. I want them to stop! How do I get them to go away?? It makes me so upset and it scares me that I can even think them.
Sorry, this isn't really a question. This has just been really upsetting and I searched "bad thoughts" into google and most of the sites were on OCD, I read it and the stuff under "obsessions" sounds kinda like what i've had. I was hoping you could give me some advice. Thanks!
Answer The thoughts come from outside and are based in doubt. Doubt is the hallmark of OCD. You need to get your primary care physician to refer you to a psychiatrist and get into treatment. The sooner the better. He or she will amke the diagnosis and start you on some meds. A life event can trigger this which you spoke about. You are not crazy by any means. many folks with the same disorder fear the same things. That they will hurt someone or do something but they do not act on the thoughts. They only fear they will. Your docor will put you on some meds and may involve you in some form of behavioral modification. You may be put on a med called an SSRI as well as some type of anti anxiety med. Keep your docot informed of your progress and do not try to censor your thoughts when speaking to him or her. They have heard it all before. So there is nothing you cannot tell him or her. If you need to ask a followup question feel free to do so.
