Expert: John Date: 3/7/2004 Subject: concerning my 11 year old grandson
Question My grandson is 11 years old, I,am worried about
his change in behavior. Reid personaliaty seems to
change in the past three years,it seems now,he
has no patience,gets easily upset,agrues with his
parents more frequently in the past three years,
can,t get along with his younger sister,always
fighting with her. In the last 18 months,Reid has
been pulling his Eye Lashes, and been pulling
his hair from his head,which almost to a bald
spot, he has been know to take things without
asking,little things, has to do things right away.
most of he time he gets along in school,goes through periods that he gets in trouble in school.
right now,he doing fine in school as far as marks go. does well in sports, sometimes he puts to much pressure on himself to always come first,
wants to impres his friends.My grandson Reid and I
were very close since he was a baby.I,am
just trying to fine a way to help him, Thank you
Bob Hamilton
Answer I suggest you get a referral from his famil physician to have him seen by a psychiatrist just to make sure there is not something more serious at work here. It does not sound like rebellion from puberty. It sounds like a great deal of anger being directed inward. Where the anger is coming from is up to someone outside the family to determine. If he has had the unfortunate experience of having been sexually touched or worse by an adult or older boy he is unlikely to admit to something like that and even if it did happen it would be difficult for him to let anyone know about. It is internalized and kept hidden for years or decades. It may just be that he sees himself unfavored in his family. He is no longer the dependent 4 or 5 year old he once was. Of course there may be internal family strife you are not aware of causing this. But pulling hair out is tricotillomania and is hardly a normal or usual reaction to stress. There may be one or more stressors in his life . What that is is impossible to say right now. If you have a good relationship with him then try to draw him out. He might just tell you what he is feeling, like a loss he suffered (which could be from a friend, a move,something sexual or something that caused him shame). He may be competing with himself to prove something to others which drives him. It is important to be supportive of him and to let him know he can come to you at anytime and you will be there for him. He may have problems at home with his parents which are not exactly advertised. I t is not just youthful rebellion against authority from what you have written. If you are looked at as a meddler than perhaps you need to spend some of your own money and have him seen by a psychiatrist that your doctor can get him in to be seen just to check him out. Social workers and school people may minimize what you have said but its better to to find out from a shrink who may be know to specialize in children. If you live near a teaching hospital the chief of inpatient psychiatry is the best sourse of referral to someone specilizing in children. Most general practioners or internists know psychiatrists but may not know which ones are best suited for an evaluation. Expect resistance from him. No one can admit to having a problem that needs a shrink. But if you phrase it in a form that you would like him to take some tests which the shrink should give him to see what what they reveal. Hope this helps you somewhat.
