Expert: John Date: 6/5/2005 Subject: sexual behaviors related to OCD
Question The person I am asking about is now 38 yrs. old. When I last knew him he was 33 yrs. old. We were together for thirteen years. While we were together he masturbated frequently (daily, 1 or 2 times a day). As the years went the behavior increased until he was masturbating from the time he got up from the dinner table (5pm)until the the morning hours when he would come to bed and continue all night long (presummable in a half-sleep state). He also told me he did this at work. When I asked him why he did it so much he said becuase he had to empty "it". Before getting out of bed he would maturbate until ejaculation. Whenever we went anywhere he has to masturbate before we left which would often make up late. He would masturbate before and after sexual intercourse. He would get frustrated with me when he had difficulty reaching climax. With all this there was physical abuse to myself, emotional abuse, verbal abuse,multiple affairs on his part and more, and a feeling for myself that I was living in a nut house. I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to hold things together. At the end of thirteen years together I couldn't do it anymore and he had the belief he was in the wrong profession (engineering) and should have been a porn star. He filed for divorce for the reasons of-wanting more sex, to date more, and to go to clubs. While I never wanted my daughter to grow up in a divorced family I was so relieved when it was finally over. There are more details but I think what I have stated so far should give a pretty good picture. I have tried so hard to understand the what and why of his behaviors and the effects it has had on me. What I read about in OCD seems a bit contradictory. Does this sound like OCD? If it doesn't sound like OCD what could it have been and what would the cause have been. I have a daughter my him. Is there something genetic I need to look out for or was it environmental? I hope you can give me some answers or some direction to do to find them. I need to find a way to make sense of a haunting past.
Thank you in advance for any efforts on your part. I do understand what you might tell me is only for informational purposes but that is what I need to find peace.
Thank You,
Belinda
Answer Belinda I WILL ANSWER IN CAPITALS SO YOU WILL SEE MY ANSWERS EASILY
The person I am asking about is now 38 yrs. old. When I last knew him he was 33 yrs. old. We were together for thirteen years. While we were together he masturbated frequently (daily, 1 or 2 times a day). As the years went the behavior increased until he was masturbating from the time he got up from the dinner table (5pm)until the the morning hours when he would come to bed and continue all night long (presummable in a half-sleep state). He also told me he did this at work. When I asked him why he did it so much he said becuase he had to empty "it". Before getting out of bed he would maturbate until ejaculation. Whenever we went anywhere he has to masturbate before we left which would often make up late. He would masturbate before and after sexual intercourse. He would get frustrated with me when he had difficulty reaching climax.IT SOUNDS AS IF HE WAS USING THE MASTURBATION AS A WAY OF AVOIDING INTIMACY WITH YOU OR ANY OTHER WOMAN. OR AS A MEANS OF AVOIDING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
With all this there was physical abuse to myself, emotional abuse, verbal abuse,multiple affairs on his part and more, and a feeling for myself that I was living in a nut house. I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to hold things together. At the end of thirteen years together I couldn't do it anymore and he had the belief he was in the wrong profession (engineering) and should have been a porn star.HE SOUNDS DELUSIONAL OR JUST NOT INTO REALITY
He filed for divorce for the reasons of-wanting more sex, to date more, and to go to clubs. While I never wanted my daughter to grow up in a divorced family I was so relieved when it was finally over. There are more details but I think what I have stated so far should give a pretty good picture. I have tried so hard to understand the what and why of his behaviors and the effects it has had on me. What I read about in OCD seems a bit contradictory. Does this sound like OCD? NO NOT AT ALL. OCD'ERS FALL INTO SEPARATE CATEGORIES OR COMBINATIONS OF CATEGORIES. THERE ARE WASHERS, CHECKERS, HOARDERS AND VARIATIONS OF THESE THEMES. HE FITS THE AREA OF COMPULSIVE MASTURBATER BUT HE WOULD PROBABLY HAVE OTHER COMPULSIONS THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE SATISFIED BY NEEDING TO HAVE THE ACCOMPANYING ANXIETY RELIEVED ALONG WITH THE COMPULSION. IF HE WERE OVERLY CONCERNED WITH GERMS OR WASHING AND REWQASHING HIS HANDS OR CLOTHES OR CONSTANTING DOING CLEANING AROUND THE HOUSE OR IF HE HOARDED USELESS TRASH LIKE USED FOOD CONTAINERS FOR NO PURPOSE OR WAS CONSTANTLY CHECKING LIGHT SWITCHES OR THE STOVE THEN YOU MAY HAVE AN OCD'ER ON YOUR HANDS.
If it doesn't sound like OCD what could it have been and what would the cause have been. I have a daughter my him. Is there something genetic I need to look out for or was it environmental?I DO NOT THINK SO .
I hope you can give me some answers or some direction to do to find them. IF YOU OBSERVE YOUR DAUGHTER PERFORMING ANYTHING LIKE SENSELESS RITUALS WHICH OCD'ERS PERFORM OR BEING OVERLY CONCERNED WITH TAKING SEVERAL SHOWERS A DAY OR WASHING HER HANDS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY OR ANYTHING ALL UNUSUAL TO YOU THEN I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
I need to find a way to make sense of a haunting past.
Thank you in advance for any efforts on your part. I do understand what you might tell me is only for informational purposes but that is what I need to find peace. I SUGGEST YOU GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE PRACTICE OF REGULAR CHURCH ATTENDANCE. IT TAKES A LONG TIME TO FIND A CHURCH WHERE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE IN. i SUGGEST ONE THAT HAS A SUNDAY EVENING AND A MIDWEEK SERVICE AS WEEL AS ON SUNDAY MORNING. yOU MAY WIASH TO SPEAK TO THE PASTOR OF SUCH A CHURCH AND LET HIM OR HER KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLUE WHAT KINFD OF CHURCH TO LOOK FOR I SUGGEST LOOOKING FOR ONE THAT TEACHES AND PREACHES DIRECTLY FROM THE BIBLE . A STATRING POINT WOULD BE ONE FROM THE BAPTIST FORMAT. OR ONE AFFILAITED WITH BOB JONES UNIVERSITY. IM NOT ADVOCATING ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR BUT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER NEED THE PRESENCE OF GOD IN YOUR LIVES EVERYDAY. IF YOU CAN JOIN A BIBLE STUDY GROUP ALSO. I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU SOMEWHAT.
Thank You,
Belinda
