Psychics/Relationship (please help)
I have been seriously dating a man for almost 4 months. We both were in very long marriages and have been divorced for over a year. He was born in January and he is great man but he gets overwhelmed easy and puts up walls. We tell each other we love each other and I do love him. We were friends when we were teenagers and reconnected 4 months ago. His ex-wife has been causing many problems lately and he has asked for some space from me. He says we are still together he just needs this right now. My heart is just breaking because I truly love this man, he's one of those one and a million guys. Can you please tell me if we are going to stay together and how long this "space" it's going to take. I thank you so much for your help, I'm desperate for help as my heart is hurting so bad. Again thank you so much Aldo is my deceased mom and dad around me? How do I know they are there?
Hello Jennifer, sorry I'm a bit late in getting back to you but thank you for contacting me. I'm sorry to read you are suffering so much. To be honest I was going to respectfully reject your question because I don't deal with relationship issues - it's kind of not my strong point, but by the nummber of times you used the word - please - I think you really need a drop of help so I will do the best I can. It's a funny thing Jennifer, so many people never think to say please or thank you when contacting - God bless you for that, you are already my hero :-)
Here is the thing, to help you get out of this I have to do the 'tough-love' thing. It is no use if I just sit down and cry with you saying 'there, there'. Hopefully, you have at least one good friend on whose shoulders you can cry. So, if I'm going to sound a bit insensitive I promise you I am not and that not only do I understand your situation but I genuinely want to help you through. I know how much broken and humiliated hearts hurt, I know very well.
To get through this you have to take a huge step back and adjust the way you think. Your problem is the problem in most relationships. We start a relationship, we get involved, we have fun, we feel the other person brings out the best in us, we start to miss the other person when we are not with them and this is the slippery slope .... before you know where you are, you have made that other person responsible for your happiness ... please take deep, deep note of this again becuase it will help you in all your relationship, you have made that other person responsible for your happiness. Obviously, it therefore tragically follows that .. remove the person and the happiness hits the deck too. It is the biggest, most huge ever kind of mistake any of us could make in any relationship. When we feel that someone has made us responsible to keep them happy, our natural, default response, is to pull away - this is true 99.999999999% of the time. The hard fact is Jennifer, there never has been nor ever will be anyone on this planet who has been born with a job-description that says ' I have to behave in a way to keep Jennifer happy and feeling good'. No one, nowhere, ever. There are a a billion + other people on the planet right now who are where you are at. Basically, when you make someon else the source of your happiness then you give away your power and the natural result of a feeling of powerlessness in nearly all people is depression. I don't know if I am chooing the best words here, again, this is not really my area, but please read them and read them and again and again so you can please really grasp what I am saying - forget whether you agree or not for the time being. In your present emotional state it won't take you long to bring up all sorts of 'but...'
Once you get an angle on this you have to do some internal feng-shui kind of stuff. You see, you are way out of balance but like car wheels, just a little bit of adjusting and alignment and you are roaring to go again. The first step is this - and you have to get this right if you want a smooth ride in the future - you have to realise that you are missing the way you feel, listen again please, YOU are missing the way YOU feel, with this person and NOT, actually, the person themselves. If you can get this right you are will so be on the right road. Let me give this to you again, you think you are missing Mr. X - what you are actually missing is the way you feel with Mr. X. I'm not just playing with words here - the difference is everything. When you accept that you are missing the way you feel and NOT the person as such, then you begin to get your power back and there are hundreds of thousands of people walking around on this planet who can not only make you feel as Mr X did but much much better than even that. This is the truth you have to befriend. You have to get your power back girl, and this is the only way you are going to do it because this is the only truthful way. The cold fact is this, if you are going to wait for Mr X and this other lady to adjust their behaviour so that you can feel better, then good luck with that one! Please don't do this - it's the classic mistake and only begets more heart-ache.
When you focus on getting your power back by realising the feelings you want to have can be triggered and even improved upon by God knows how many others then Mr. X will either gravitate towards you or away, if he right for you in a long-term sense then he will gravitate to your center of power and if he doesn't then Alleluia becuase he is not the right one for your long term future anyway. You can't change him, you can only change you. Get focused on your power and he will be attratced to it or away form it and whichever happens it will be absolutely the right thing.
More important than Mr X is the fact that when you are aware of your power, your personal well being and power, you can tune into the presence of your parents any time you wish. But you cant do it feeling so bad - the living presence of your parents is always available to you but you wont feel it from your state of despair, your parents are conscioussly nowhere near your state of despair - they could blow cavalry trumpets in your ear and you wouldn't be aware of them. So this is another thing - not only are you holding Mr X as the person responsible for your broken heart but he also becomes the reason you are estranged from the non-physical presence of your parents - who, inceidentally, only ever see you as their beautiful, powerful, eternal, creative daughter - even when you are blubbing your heart out. They are not there for you with a box of tissues, there are where you want to be and they are cheerleading and encouraging you to acheive the life that you want.
So Jennifer, you have got to get a more real angle on this and let this Mr X guy off the hook and whether he draws closer or further it will be the right thing for you and even though the odd tear may fall, you can know in the depth of your being, that something so much better for you is waiting and your parents are cheering you on every flippin' step of the way, always, no exceptions.
My God, I feel as if I have really given you a lecture and I'm so sorry if I seem insensitive, I just want to help you accurately get through this but also give the right understanding for all your relationship so that you won't be like so many others who unwittingly live a life a low-grade pain and disappointment. You are worth so much more than that - heck ,you can't even imagine the value and worth that is you even if there was not another blessed person on this planet. I will shut up now. You were born with all the worth and value you will ever need and you will never get anymore from anyone else and you will only every feel rotten when you compromise it in situations like Mr X. Alongwith all this, I do send you my sincere best wishes and hope I have been able to help, at least at some level. And if nothing of this helps than I at can offer this as a last dith attmept to help, please remember that as the males of this species we are pretty dumb, God bless us but it doesn't get much more sophisticated than 'whats in the oven and whats in the bed', just trust me on this one :-) Roy Pierce