I met my boyfriend while visiting a friend in Virginia (I live in New Jersey) in 2012. She brought me to a country bar for line dancing, and Marquis was a regular who called out dance moves for me. I liked him as soon as I met him, but seeing as he was a sailor stationed in Virginia and I was a single mom living 400 miles away, I didn't say anything more than a cursory hello and asked where he was from. He stayed on my mind for a year, though, so I decided to visit my friend again in Virginia in the hopes I would see him again on the anniversary of when I first met him (perhaps a bit silly, but I was hoping he would be there).

When my friend brought me to the country bar where I had met him, Marquis showed up during some bar dance. After me excitedly saying hello and saying we had met last year, he said I looked familiar. After an hour or so of him and me trying to not seem too interested in each other (in the fear of seeming to creepy), I was going to leave and he came over and asked me to dance before leaving. I did, and we exchanged numbers and started talking. Within weeks we were dating exclusively, that was June 1, 2013.

Marquis is 22 and is stationed for at least the next 4 years in Virginia. I am a 27 year old single mom living in NJ and I just started my career as a paralegal. I also cannot move out of state without my ex-husband's permission (which he will not give). Marquis and I are both fairly poor at the moment and cannot go all out on each other, but we both agree that we want to get married. We have both expressed the desire to skip the whole engagement stage and just get married now, but then we'll flip-flop on if that's the wisest decision. We love each other a lot, and we want to start a life together, but Marquis sometimes can't decide if he wants to get married now or if he wants to wait until a year has passed, etc. We are not so much worried about it being a long distance marriage, but we both just want things to be perfect.

The question I have is: When should we get married (follow our crazy instincts and just go for it now? or wait until we have passed some sort of time-frame/milestone(s)?)?

Hi, Jacqueline,

It does sound like the two of you have a lot of fun together. It feels like you would have little to lose and potentially much to gain by waiting a while, say until spring or summer, to get married. For one thing, Marquis is a great guy — but I'm not sure he's fully aware of what being a stepfather (especially a long-distance stepfather) will require of him. A few more months to a year will help sort that out.

For another, I see problems coming up with your ex-husband re: custody/visitation. He is not going to be happy about your remarriage, and the long-distance aspect is going to make him feel as if he is losing control even if his permission is required for you to move out of state. This will be especially true if you marry now . . . giving your ex a while to get used to the idea will help smooth the path in the long run.

All blessings to both of you —



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Nancy Crowe


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