I am 49 years old, unemployed. I left my husband of 5 years in Oct, 2012. I had counselling with 4 different counsellors over the years to help me fix my marriage with my husband being abusive. In the end I realized that after trying to change myself, he was never going to stop being abusive. I tried communicating with him but he didn't understand as we are from different worlds. He is from Lebanon (Muslim) I am Australian and a care free spirit when we met but now I've turned into a scared rabbit. In our marriage it was all about him and he was angry on a regular basis. I married him when he wasn't a citizen. Now he's a permanent resident and I get the feeling he used me to stay in Australia. Anyway, I decided I had to go but I left without money, a place to go and I'm in the middle of studying nursing and not working. It's been tough. I left knowing I tried everything. When I asked him if he could help mend the relationship he just said that I couldn't be around angry people like himSo that was that! Partly why it came to the crunch to leave him was because he was also smsing a woman called 'Renee'calling her honey. It broke my heart to see this. He wasn't going to change and throughout our life together he said marriage to him was sacred and important. He was not only abusive he also committed fraud by dumping his car in the bush and claiming insurance and he never pays tax. After I married him he was in trouble with the tax office and I tried to explain to him that in Australia it's important to pay tax and be an honest person but he seemed to want everything for nothing.Since I left I have moved 3 times renting rooms. I still cry, feel depressed and have issues with low self-worth thinking if he used me and didn't want to change to save our marriage, perhaps he never really loved me.That hurts feeling this way. I'm trying hard to continue studying so I can hopefully get a job at the end of the course which finishes in May, 2013. But I seem to be the one suffering and in a homeless situation. I can't see myself in the future and can't seem to get out of this black hole as I still love my husband very much but he seemed angry when I tried to show him any love. What do you see happening for me in the future? I can't seem to move on. How do I heal my broken heart & love myself?
I am so sorry for the situation you are currently in, I know you see and feel yourself as Not doing good but I see something different.
I see a woman who was taken advantage of. Someone who fell in love with a tough soul who unfortunately had his own plan and agenda working long before he even met you. I see you sacrificed and did all you can to make him happy but the reality is nothing would have ever worked. He preyed on your soft kind heart.
I see a woman who would not stand for his absuse and neglegence and took a stand for herself.Getting out of a bad situation at any cost. I see a woman who did not sit down for a second , even through all the hurt she is out there studying and trying to better herself and trying to get ahead in life. I see a woman who is in pain because somewhere along these roads, she lost herself. But she is going to find herself.
You are sad and heartbroken because you are in such shock that another human being could be so cruel. I agree, its gut wrenching to exchange vows with someone who in turn can act like this but it happens. You have every right to cry, don't stop crying because each time you cry you release some more pain and suffering and when are done crying pat yourself on the back for being as strong as you are.
You need to let go of the thought he will come to his senses. He won't but don't worry, his own karma will come back to him one day.
You will be ok Kim.. Just hang on for a few more months and you will be working, in a new place and in about 14 months time you will meet a man with a B in his name who works in a hospital.