Me-Tanya 01May72, I have been separated from my ex since 19Nov12, (Sean 18Jan73). It was a 19 year relationship and marriage peppered with him having affairs, blaming me for things that went wrong and him being emotionally dependant on me. Still is trying to be. I know we both are responsible for it not working out and the decisions I made to stay were mine. We have 2 children Aedan 04Nov02 and Ciara 31Aug04. I am dealing with my ex oscillating between hating me and loving me and wanting me back even though the end of the relationship was his call. I am so much stronger now and have some amazing support around me. I am certain from his true self that he keeps showing me that moving on from him is completely what is needed for me. I feel free now to live my life, be myself and because of that be a good mother to my children. I have been seeing a young man (Alan 26Sep84) for last 4 months on and off, mostly for some fun and what I love getting is affection that I didn't experience in my relationship with my ex. I am pretty clear he is not my true one or soulmate but know he has come to me for a reason. What I would like to know is whether you see me having more fun with Alan and whether this will be ok for me because I know I am very vulnerable to attaching because I am lonely? Do you see anything major that I and the kids will have to still go through with my ex, their dad? Do you see me finding my true soulmate anytime soon? And/or is there anything you see I need to be doing or doing differently? Thank you
You have your emotions well under control, and you are working well at being strong and independent. Your friendship with Alan is fine as long as you leave it there. Do not make him a part of your children's lives as a fill in father figure.
He is good for your ego, and we all know that our egos will suffer when a long term relationship falls apart.
You will have some small difficulties with your ex until he realizes fully that you have moved on. Do not be tempted to give in to his pleas. It just makes him believe that he has a chance with you.
You are not ready for a soul mate at this time. Wait until your children are older. To try to find a soul mate now will take yoour mind away from where it needs to be 100 percent of the time, and that is with your children.
Always remember that a relationship requires 100 percent involvement in order to thrive, grow, and last. Trying to divide your time between nurturing a relationship, and being an attentive mom will cause problems with both.
Have fun, date casually, develop hobbies and interests that will be a lasting part of you.