Hello Shepherdess, I appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to help me. I am female born on November 14,1967 and my given name is Frankie. My boyfriend of 4 months is of course male born February 27,1961 and his given name is Wilford. We have committed to one another and we constantly let each other know we love one another. Because of his travels he has mentioned a possible engagement soon and because of his constant travels for work moving in together very soon, since we spend very little time together.
Please tell me what you see in our future together, how this relationship will turn out? Please do not hold back anything, I have been in two abusive marriages and give my all. He does not show any physical abusive or mental abuse red flags. Please help because I have fallen deep for him and need to know more and if it's equally mutual.
Thank you! (:
Oh, I almost physically hurt when I read your subject line. Don't even write "deep fear." Words are things and can have more power than you think, and you shouldn't have to suffer from this! Please refuse to suffer; renounce it at once!:)) You are a super-extra-sensitive person, and I know anxiety affects you about 100% more than most, and that you are a gifted psychic, and that you have very thin skin -- but you were born that way, and it's just what people will have to deal with. Their opinion of you is none of your business. Okay, I'm stepping off the podium now!! I just *know* how you feel, and I have great empathy, believe me.
Part of the "good" in life, such as going forward with a man, CAN feel frightening and fill us up with anxiety, whereas most others who just don't feel as intensely as we do will blithely move through it, and it infuriates me! LOL!
On to you and Wilford. I'm drawn to his energy first; so let's see: If you move in together, can you lease it in your name, and can this be either a place where you already live or NEAR where you already live? I have a strong feeling that I don't want you to sign anything over to him, even half, right now. I also feel strongly about you staying put in a familiar place, not changing bank accounts, keeping everything separate - at least for now. I feel like he's going to want to "manage things," but I want to say, "No, I want to manage my own things first."
Has it occurred to you (I don't know if this is the case, but it feels somewhat like a "hot spot" to me) that you may be attracted to him because he is one who sometimes needs nurturing/saving/helping? I feel like you have this tendency and are often attracted to what I would call "beautiful men" who have a hole in their lives somewhere. They do need you, and I feel he's sincere, but something makes me want to block you from moving in with him right away; I see myself standing in protection-mode in front of your door so you can't leave.
Feel your energy is very forward-moving and free-flowing, and it's obvious that you are very intellectual AND intuitive. Yet I feel you can be hesitant to pursue people but will talk about them instead; it's almost like you need to analyze relationships, talk it out even in a dark room in the quiet with yourself -- and "speaking" aloud about your feelings will give you a better sense of direction than acting on them. I do get a lot of talk, talk, around you, a bit of a snap to it, a quick back-at-you one-liner that is usually funny, and this is definitely a social strength, but back to Wilford.
He's kinda wacky and funky/funny, too! I get laughter around him, in general, and a sense of generosity and the need to work within a group. He's not a loner-type. Also, does he get ill more than normal, or have an ongoing medical issue, or just happen to be physically awkward, as in running into things, etc. -- oddly I'm seeing Jennifer Lawrence when she went up to accept some award, falling down on the stairs, and that he can laugh at this kind of thing about himself.
He's really hugely protective of his things and the people he loves, but this can become a little obsessive. I want to "let this simmer," like a great seven-course meal, for a while -- this relationship -- before moving in together. Four months is NOT long enough. There are things you and he both don't know about each other, and it's too soon. If it's good, it'll still be good in 17 months or seven months. Seventeen seems to be a significant number here, or January 7.
I have some hesitations about it, and they come from his slight fits of jealousy, the need to control and/or manage, and his rather idealistic/unrealistic view of love, which he defines as "soul mate" or something very ethereal, and which just does not exist in the mundane world of everyday life, grocery shopping, etc. Feel he's been divorced or through at least three failed relationships, and each time he has not quite owned up to his part in the conflict. I hear a lot of "blame, blame."
At the same time, he's a bit of a paradox, because I feel like part of his greatness is helping people help themselves, and he is not afraid to state his opinions on these matters, which has a way of endearing him to others because they feel he has the power of a sort of mentor -- and he IS very wise about his particular business -- his clients appreciate him because he is someone from whom they can learn. Yet he hasn't quite applied these principles in his own life. Is he a speaker or writer on the lecture circuit -- keep seeing groups of people, and often literally set apart in "groups."
I know nothing of this film except its name and again, Jennifer Lawrence is in it, which makes me think that either one of those two names are somehow relevant to your life or his, and I promise you, I don't have her "on the brain" at all; I just heard "Winter's Bone." I haven't seen it; I think she goes down a river or something, but the title just came to me and it feels raw and mysterious, too cold to go toward.
Overall, stepping into your energy with him DOES feel scary, I have to admit, and I want to keep him near, but I want to maintain my independence. Even if he could live next door, wouldn't that be the best! Katharine Hepburn said that once, and I feel she was right - at least for some of us. I don't feel like you're ready to deal with someone else in your space; you shouldn't have to feel forced (which I feel you do) or pressured in any way to do what gives you even the slightest uneasy feeling. Go with that gut instinct. When your stomach turns over, it means you're not going to be happy about this. Time is the answer, and it will reveal the nature of this relationship -- put yourself in charge of this; turn it around and say you need your space. Don't give in. I just don't feel like now is the time. Even MY stomach turns queasy when I think about it (moving in with him). I feel trapped instantly.
Don't want to put you off, but I have to give you the bare bones (that WORD again)! of what I feel, or I'd be lying by omission.
(And I usually don't "name drop" or reference "celebrities" in readings, so that's a little weird, but just so you know! It might mean something deeper about you or him or your relationship.)
You're a treasure; keep yourself comfortable, safe, and secure. Do not proceed into areas that make you feel less than this.
I also think there's something related here to your father; either you compare him to men in your life as a "litmus test" or you miss him, and he was dear. He figures in, and he seems to be near you, feeling regretful about something, holding his head down a little bit, as though he wasn't quite the father he had expected he would be or wanted to be. In spirit, they all "come clean" -- and if he's not in spirit, he's either ill or on your mind, and you might want to see/talk to him. Something about golf, the course, the green, the clubs, also. This may be Wilford. I get a confused feeling on that.
Trust all joy, Frankie! Let that be your new tagline!