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Question
My name is John and here is my question:

Will things get better between Jordan and I?

She was born on May 3, 1991
I was born on June 6, 1991

Answer
Dear John,

Thank you for writing. You and Jordan are quite alike in many ways, and that may be part of the problem, because the ego gets in the way here, I feel immediately, so here's what I get first and foremost -- you both have great leadership abilities, and you're both idealistic and visionary, but I feel you and Jordan tend to be critical of each other and can appear cold, uncaring, and that you both hold grudges. But I have to say this, and it's not that I'm on "your side" -- she's worse with this than you are.

You and she both must get over this kind of thing to move on!:) Feel Jordan in particular will remember past "offenses" from eons ago, and keep bringing it up at "weird" times. She has to unburden herself; she's too "hard" on herself, and on you. All this is just a protective shield to covers up vulnerabilities. I see her in the car with you, and she's suddenly launching into something that happened a long time ago and trying to tie it in with what just recently happened, and that makes no sense. There's no logic to it, and she's a naturally logical person.

Also, you both seem to put on a show if you feel vulnerable and try to act as though you're just doing terrifically well. Be truthful to each other; it's just a feeling I get of pent-up ego stuff that needs to be kicked out the door or thrown out like old clothes. Old, "who cares anymore" stuff. Realize how fruitless this is, and how it impedes progress.

Also, are you both in similar fields, and I get research or teaching or guiding/counseling of some sort, though she may have dealings in her career with government, legal areas. Whatever the case, you're both natural leaders, but you're too intelligent together as a team to let your EGOS rule this relationship, and I think that's what's going on underneath.

More practically, I think you can help manage this if you can get her to either work out or  stretch/move about a bit more; she seems tight, pulled-in. Her muscles are tight. Maybe give each other massages, but exercise and expending this kind of energy is really important. You may not want to do it together.

If she can't calm down, or if you don't make it clear to her that in order to move forward together, be mindful that YOU definitely need clarity, peace, a shared sense of curiosity about NEW things and an agreement to disagree with another person. Talk to her like this, and say that you can't take her explosions or holding anything in, and that neither of you is a perfect person -- then it may have a chance.

I feel like you've put up with a lot (she gets at you in the car, a lot, I keep feeling, where you can't escape, and I also feel like she hits you). I don't think you can take much more tension and bitterness; you have a gentler, much more artistic soul than the one you're expressing right now, and your life path is a quiet, contemplative, yet curious one. If she can't share that, I'd say it's curtains for this relationship. But only you can decide. Just listen to your intuition; it will NEVER send you the wrong way. Imagine scenarios that you'd enjoy both with and without her, and notice how your body feels in response. Follow that, John. It's the truest and best guide you will ever have, and never second-guess it.

With God's Blessings,
Shep.  

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