Aries/ Taurus.   36

How can I better control my emotional state so that I am not losing my cool on those whom matter most to me?


If you are talking about anger, which is often the response to emotional or self-perceived threat. Then you will need to put together a program for yourself.

Many of us are injured or diminished by events early in our lives, or hurt deeply without ever being able to fully heal. We carry that memory of that injury or those hurts within and when a similar situation arises, and makes us feel powerless or reduced or like this old injury might be repeated, we strike out.

You probably know this much.

There are remedies--
from seeing a therapist or psychologist or psychiatrist to stress and anger management programs--you need only consult your doctor or look a professional up on line. Try not to take pills but group therapy is great.

But if you want to take charge and work through by yourself--you will need faith, and a strong will to overcome your mind's preprogramming to tell you to fight and lash out. It is a reaction and it is fear. You want to be heard, understood, and comforted. You need that and it makes you more resentful when it seems to be so unperceived.

For myself, I was molested many times as a young woman and child. My mother died when I was young and I felt defenseless. My brothers seemed to get the best deal--by being already grown and hence free or by being the baby of the family and cared for more than I. I was plenty angry. I developed a defense system because I felt abandoned and mistreated and left to fend for myself. It wasn't true, but it's what I had internalized. I was a snapping turtle. It did not take anything to set me off.

I hope you can recognize the pattern--not the story.

So after many years of lashing out at loved ones and having low grades in school, and talking back to my elders and just being a pain. I finally was grown but not released. So I set off to heal myself by seeking God.

If you have a belief in God, that is the first stop in the program that I am suggesting you put together for yourself.Ask for help from heaven. You do it by asking God to help you see yourself clearly and to help you learn to replace anger and defense with love and forgiveness. It's an easy prayer to pray. Then just say thanks for your deliverance. Light a candle and keep it burning for your awakening to a new sense of self-control and any new person who comes into your life. This may take a year or two. You will be sent a comforter, maybe a friend, maybe a teacher, may even a co-worker, who will help you see how to make those internal changes.You are not alone.

You may want to start meditation. There are all kinds, but the simplest is 2-5 minutes of silence morning and evening (same times if possible). Just sit down and listen to your self breath and close your eyes. Ignore tings that pass through your mind. But notice when you drift off--sleep is good is you dose. Just meditate a few more minutes when you awaken. That's deep healing.

Hypnosis and Chanting nam myoho renge kyo has been helpful for me. I am so far from my old angry self now that I changed my name legally. Maybe you can move toward a marker like that.

Whatever you decide in putting your program together, I recommend you forgive yourself for all of your hurtful reactions to others--one by one. (Use your meditation to recall old clashes). You are not the only one who has ever been hurt and fought back without understanding what the causes and triggers are.  Really use your meditation time to remember different times when you were angry and use your imagination to redream the actual incident and make it right in your mind. Recreate the past bad with a scene of good. The mind will free you from the guilt and sense of still being so reactionary.

I hope this helps, Jenn.


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