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Question
Hi! My name is Aly (dob 4/2/86)

I am a divorced mother of 3 girls. It's been just over a year since my divorce, and I haven't done much "serious" dating since. 4 months ago I was introduced to a man named Danny (dob 7/29/89) by a long time friend via FaceTime. We have spoken every day since, and I'm falling fast. He talks to my kids daily, and has been a better male influence than they have had before. I'm terrified of the distance even though we have both said we would consider a move if it came down to it. Will this relationship work?

Answer
Dear Aly,

I'm going to play devil's advocate on this one because I feel I want to protect you, but I'll still tell you exactly what I hear: he's very keen about foundations, tradition, a four-square-meal, a house and family, can work too hard and leave family out, should lighten up, he's a bit skeptical and can have anger issues where he shuts you out, then comes back to apologise, what is Indiana or Indian things, artifacts, ancestry, Trail of Tears, does he have family living in another state (other than his own), very set in his ways (I'm seeing a bull, but it's not charging), I hear politics, does he talk about that, or is he interested in it, works alone or is owner of own business, self-employed, entrepreneur, he's not a braggart at all, he can eat too much when he's frustrated or just out sorts, loves his family, do you know his family yet - his parents, feel there's a closeness that remains, and if he's already opened up to you this much, he's really emotionally invested in you.

If he talks about personal, very personal things and you haven't caught in him a lie or a distortion, take it to six-seven months total, then if things are still moving forward, I'd go for it or at least meet him in person, with your girls. I feel a little bit cautious still, and I'm trying to find skeletons in his closet for you but I can't!:) There don't seem to be any. Only thing is: he DOES have a tendency to shut down (I see a closed door) and then open up, apologising, as if nothing happened.

You're equally as traditional, and I have food again, do you cook and enjoy cooking for groups of people, there's a blue and white set of dishes/it's not a pattern, but a kind of illustration on these plates, not sure, but they feel very "homey and cozy" and whenever I get food between people in this sense, I feel good, comforted, all is well, I see a water fountain, this may be where you decide to meet or might visit. Overall, I feel good about this and didn't think I would when I started writing.

My feeling is that if you consider this like you would a career deal, it will help; don't get too deeply lost in the emotions and first flush of love; try to see it as a deal you want to make, so do all you can to succeed, and don't worry about how long it will take to achieve this success.

I don't feel this is a meeting that occurred just by "chance"; it has a fated feeling to it, but try to stay neutral -- have you dyed your hair or is it blondish, some "roots" showing or something -- anyway just carefully plan your moves and strategies like it's a job. I know it's hard, but try to be as objective as you possibly can.

Most of all, trust your instincts, make a list of his personal pros and cons, and be honest. I hope this helps, and good luck!

God's Blessings,
Shep:)

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