Hi I'm christine. I have been living with no direction since I graduated in college. Now I don't know what to do or where to go. After college, I did look for a job but unfortunately I had problems with my medical. You see I have history of tuberculosis although I've been treated already but it leave a scar in my lungs wherein somehow it had been an issue for some. I'm not saying that no one will accept me because technically I'm healthy. But then my mother wants me to stay with them and help in the business. My sister who lives abroad wants to petition them and wants me to manage the business. I hated the idea because it only means living alone and honestly there are other issues. My birthday is Sept 12, 1986. For the longest time I have been living in depression. I'm not getting any younger. I've lost hope in fulfilling my dreams. Until I meet someone last year through christian dating site. His name is Mark birthday nov 25, 1962. He keeps me company and fall for him even though we haven't met in person. He could be the answers to all my problems. But then I'm no user and lately I'm having doubts if I have to continue communicating with him because of our differences. Right now my parents are still with me but I don't know until when. Do you know that feeling that you want to get up but you can't. My question is do you think I should give up already on Mark and focus more on other things ? Thank you
Happy birthday!! Almost here!
Lots going on here, so I'll jump right in. "Humanitarian" is the word that comes to me about your career, in particular, and in general -- though you're in a tight spot now, feel you're usually very friendly, open, willing to help, and even may have felt "called" to aid, assist, etc. It's almost like an Aquarian feeling, wanting to help the community and the universe at the same time...this year has been good for work efforts, but in the planning stages, so that slower, "I can't move" feeling is likely what's been stopping you from moving forward and causing so much of this indecision.
Next year is full of "chatter," as in talking, communication, moving more quickly than this year, which again feels like you've been focusing on ideas to use in the future -- do you have a tendency to take on too much when you get started, and does that sort of make you wary due to your health - I just feel you can sometimes be inclined to overdo things. Also are there what I'd call more than hobbies but "pet projects" that you have (outside the family business) that you can transfer to a second job -- I don't feel you're going to be happy doing just one thing; the work with your family feels right in some ways, but it's too confining in and of itself; you'll need another outlet for your intellect. At some point, you're going to need to use assets and skills like writing, teaching, public speaking, that will take you "out of yourself" and contribute to the larger good. It's also important that you achieve a sense of balance; things feel too heavy one way, and too light on the other side, like a rock on one side of a see-saw.
I feel like you're meant to or have a natural knack/skill for writing, publishing, things that require detail-work, like editing, communication in business, and this could well be freelance work. I'm also feeling I need things to be in order, to have a strong sense of organization, and that everything is in its place, but I'm still moving between two completely different fields -- so I don't know what your sister who lives abroad fits in here, but travel is also indicated, and this is life-long, not just temporary. You can do more than you think. It's not international, necessarily; it's more about domestic travel, but for work purposes.
Mark -- forget it. Instead of being the answer to all your problems, he'd just add to them, and you'd be the answer to many of HIS problems. Feel strongly he has far more responsibilities than he's let on, or he's told you, and that's just too much baggage to deal with; also, you need to establish mental, intellectual rapport with a friend and not go straight to a dating situation -- I'm being told to seek a friendship first, put things on solid ground, and then at some point, you're going to transition one of these friendships into a romantic situation, which won't be near as "scary" -- feel like you almost fear or distrust a fully committed, long-term relationship because you're naturally cautious (which is a very good characteristic). Do you sometimes think you come off as detached or unfeeling -- but it's not that -- you likely just don't easily trust people, Christian or not, and you shouldn't if your instincts are giving you nudges like the kind you describe. Leave that situation alone. He's withholding a few things, and he's very "laid back," almost too much -- is he still at home, or living near his parents or something -- he should have long left the nest, and likely has, but has made mistakes and ended up back there or something -- I have a "W" here connected to him also, not sure who that is -- he's a bit of a braggart or tends to kind of just glide along in life, and though he can be spiritual/emotional, something just feels unstable / off with him. He doesn't have it together as much as you do. He's lost, so get out of that forest.
Also, I don't feel like he's your intellectual equal, and you MUST have that. It bothers me also that you can't interact with him personally and observe his body language, etc., which you depend on to help protect yourself. I'm glad you can just slide away from this one!
Your health - are there also problems with the intestines, upper or lower - because I'm getting a sense of overload, overindulgence, that can't quite be processed quickly enough -- food-wise. If you can get in the sun (exercise doesn't feel as important as getting in the sunshine for Vitamin D once each day), because THEN, you'd FEEL more like exercising. Also, when you're stressed and down like this, your body follows your mind, so move about just a little more. You're too cooped up. Too much tension, sleep problems are risky, so don't risk them!:)
Who is the golfer, or do you / have you ever tried that? I'm getting a golf course either as something you do, someone you know who does this, or you live near one, etc., but it feels like it's a good place to kind of unwind. Just an idea, but don't push yourself too hard, even in this area. Feels like you need moderation more than anything, in all areas; just striking that balance will do wonders, and it won't take much effort.
Again, this has been almost "destined" to be a quiet year, not as active as next year will be. So, gather your wits and skill sets and put them to work on something you can do from home (at first, anyway) online, freelance-related, that deals with the fields I mentioned above. Let yourself be receptive and enjoy the peace and quiet for the rest of the year, because if you try to make things happen before January, you won't make as much headway as you would if you could just wait for a few more months. Collect yourself and hone those talents, and consider how you can divide your time between two very separate careers -- and one involves travel to some extent; may not be related to your sister; not sure -- but one day, you'll be doing public speaking, teaching, writing, or publishing in some way.
And good on you for trusting your instincts. They'll never, ever lead you astray.