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Question
A few months ago I met this guy, we have a lot of common interest and seems to connect very well. The problem is every time we get closer, he pushes further. He's very attentive and caring toward me, but there will be a time where it would take days or weeks to see and  hear from him again. I really like this guy, but this situation is very confusing. Can you give me insights on it? Thank you.

Thuyoanh Dec 29 1993
Erik Jan 31 1994

Answer
Dear Thuyoanh,

I feel like you don't see each other enough to be able to maintain any kind of foundation from which to grow, to build on, as you go along, and he's kind of "out of sight, out of mind," which is why I feel he retreats -- he enjoyed the newness of things, but as it went along, when it became clearer to him that he isn't able to see you (I don't know why but I feel as though you can't physically see each other, be near, etc.) as often as he would like, his attention and interest is simply wearing out.

Do you see a pattern here, or do you go into a relationship worrying that each one will fail, for some reason? I feel you're also the one "holding back" something, and it may be as simple as keeping yourself at a distance on purpose, so therefore you won't be ABLE to get too close, and then hurt; something tells me this is history repeating itself in your romantic life.

Because you don't want to be outright rejected, you may set things up unconsciously so that they will dissolve, not really "end," but it will be no one's "fault," and that will keep you from being hurt; however, it will also keep you from forming any real connections. Try to see this as a pattern and then break the chain; get past your comfort zone and go out there with intention and focus regarding exactly the kind of man you want, and where. Don't keep settling for a little less than you should.

I almost don't want to say this, because it can be too easily self-fulfilling, but if you don't like it, say, "What does she know? Boo!" (ha). I feel like you're going to have many loves, and how you handle them, though, is up to you -- you have extra energy for romance, more than most people -- and this energy can make a bad relationship worse or a great one better, do you see how I mean?

You're always going to be hungry for more, in information, action, experience. It may be tough to settle down, so don't rush it; feel like you need to go through these various relationships to gain a sense of variety about people and the experiences that they can lend you -- your soul just seems to crave this. Some of these loves may be secret or never even "live in reality," kind of how the one with Erik feels now, which seems to live only through certain channels, not quite in the real world, somehow.

Also, Erik has been good for you and vice versa, but I feel you've both learned enough from each other, and it's simply time to move on. It's like you've fulfilled your universal contract. I don't feel like there's any need to contact him on his birthday, for example. It just feels like time is up, it's dissolved, but again, it's no one's fault. Both of you are "experience collectors." Just don't get too addicted to this!:)

I feel you'll want to write to me in another six months or so about another relationship, but I will only say the same thing; you're not ready to settle down, and even if this makes you very emotional, it's not a bad thing; it's necessary to your growth. You're NATURALLY going to feel restless, indecisive and even easily influenced for some time now, but when you DO decide to settle down, focus on exactly what you want -- choose points of interest in men (when you learn exactly what they are through these experiences) and stick to them to gain that solid foundation.

Until then, just have fun! I hope this helps.

God's Blessings,
Shep:)  

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