Question Hi, my name is Thuyoanh Dec 29 1993. can give me insights on my love life? I am never able to form an actual emotional connection and when a guy comes into my life, they usually last for a month and the cycle happens all over again. I am tired of this happening to me even though I know it's partially my fault. But I just want to finally be in a relationship.
Answer Dear Thuyoanh,
First, you're still young (I know you don't think so)! but this problem is something that will kind of "fall away" with time. Until then, you'll have to be more open, show your vulnerabilities, and stop "surface talk" as well as what I'd call the "needy" factor. If you appear to be willing to sacrifice something for people too soon, that comes off as needy, and if you don't dig below the surface, that comes off as uninterested. So it's like a swing going between one extreme to the other; the key is finding the balance, and you find that by bringing up something in your past that was hurtful and that still bothers you; talk about that. You have to gain someone's empathy, but not their sympathy -- big difference. I feel like you'll meet someone within the next year who is funny, makes you laugh, but is also a very caring person and one who likes to listen.
You're going to have to be the one to show a "fracture"; to show that you're vulnerable and anxious and uncertain -- THEN, the guy will feel relieved, because 98% of them feel the same way, but they're afraid to talk about it. It's like breaking the ice -- you have to get an ice pick and dig -- it's human archaeology, and again, I feel certain you will begin to feel more comfortable with this in time, but I do feel a Virgo or Cancer coming along within a year with whom you can bring up things from your past that bothered you and still do, and this will create a natural empathy (if he's a nice, normal guy). I'm not trying to tell you to act like you wouldn't normally, but just to validate and acknowledge your own emotional concerns. Soften up a little and don't be afraid to be vulnerable -- everyone is, but most people don't tell, and those people don't succeed in relationships. You will!
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