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Question
Tatjana
Tatjana  
hi!
My name is Tatjana. I am female, I was born on 1st of february 1980. I was in a relationship since may 2015 with a man, Aleksandar, born on 9th of july 1985. We had good relationship full of love and understanding. He is very emotional and sometimes I felt suffocated by his emotions. That's the main reason we had a fight in may 2016. He backed up and never called because he felt hurt by me. I called him first after a month and we met. At first he seemed angry and hurt but as the evening went on he asked me for some time to think about it all. I called him after a week and I said I miss him. We talked for an hour and agreed to meet soon. Again we met and now things seem more clear. He told me that he is afraid he will be hurt again by me leaving him. He said he was hurt and he buried himself in work and now he realized he has deadlines he can't meet and at the same time he is afraid of our relationship, if he gives me another chance that we will break up again. He has some abandonment issues I didn't know before (he was abandoned as a child by his father). But we talked a lot and I said to him I want to give us another chance especially now I know what his issues are. I said I love him and I never wanted to break up, I only wanted to take some time to think. He asked me gently for some more time to think about it all and he said he loves me still. I definitely want to make us work and I am willing to try. I sent him message for his birthday 2 days ago and he said he will contact me. My question is will he decide to give us another chance?

Answer
Dear Tatjana,

You are very, very different from Aleksandar, and I don't want to have to say this, but it's what I feel immediately after reading your question/your energy: He is a lovely person, but he will wreak havoc in  your life if you return to each other. I think it's one of those relationships that just aren't meant to last for the long term. He is so vastly different, and you have things you can offer that you aren't able to use with him -- wonderful, giving, creative things like exploration and the pursuit of leisure time. He doesn't have TIME for leisure time, and that's going to begin to feel detrimental to you; you just have a completely different way of relating to life and people, and he needs an almost-constant companion whom he can lean on, almost all the time, and that will make you suffer, which isn't fair to either of you.

I wish I didn't have to deliver news you don't want to hear, but if I'm not honest with what I feel, I'm not doing my best. There is always of course the chance that I could be wrong (!) but you asked, and this is my answer -- don't get back with him, even if he tries. Be very gentle with him and try to avoid any confrontation. This might be a little difficult to disentangle yourself from, but it will be worth it -- try (I know it's hard) to put your feelings for yourself first, in this case: It will save you a lot of heartache and money and time in the long term.

I wish you the best.

God's Blessings,
Shep:)  

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