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Hi Inbal,    (July 22, 1987)   My grandma's was (October 7, 1935)

My situation is this...my grandmother passed away this year. She was my literal maternal figure, and while everyone else mourned in some way, I didn't. My younger sister flew into rage mode, my father cried and grew more fragile, and etc...but I was stoic as hell. I didn't cry, feel bad, or loose sleep (much). I slept in the same room she'd died in.... It's like after caring for her for so many years...this was it. She finally found peace, even though it wasn't a painless end.
During the funeral I was even cheery somewhat...I'm such a weirdo.

Anyway my life is just nothing like I thought it would be. I'm sort of drifting w/ no real destination and I'm half heartedly trying to anchor myself. I've always been a sensitive individual who daydreams too much and I find it hard to cement myself. Though I'm willful.  I'm feeling indifferent to so many facets of my life and I find it hard to muster the energy to care. I'm pleasant enough, but I always seem distracted. Everyone is becoming solidified in a career or family and I'm just not interested. My friendships are ghosts of what they use to be and as the oldest sibling, I feel like I'm failing as a role model.

Lastly, a part of me is devastated at the perceived loss of spiritual relationships. Every since I was really little strange things have always occurred and I've grown use to that. Now I feel like I've been left behind. I'm just searching for something that's not really there...It's just my imagination. Whats wrong w/ me?

I know ultimately it my decision whether I make something of myself or not, or change my situation, but I wouldn't mind a little advice.  Thank you.

Answer
Dear Brandie
I could see from your numerology how you can drift into idealism that does not always feel reality and that you are as you came to this world to be a teacher can tend to suffer depression when you find out that your idealism not always match the reality out there and yes it is likely that you will feel alone because the way you think is a bit diffrent than those around you . however I could not find out what would you like to get advise about and over here where I offer free service I aim to help about specific questions which are matter of life and death sometimes or urgent and I could not find any urgency in your wondering about. in fact I think you must be very lucky that you can affort wordering about like this without being awfully stressed over income or living arrangment when so many others out there simply have no time or option to sit and wonder they have to go out there and do somethign to support their existence weather they like it or not. so here is an advise that would not harm you either way. find yourself a nice shelter for homeless or even for rescue animals and go do some volunteering time with the needy , generating an act of unconditional love can bring many solutions to your life emotionally as well- as for crying over your grandma if she suffered for years she is in peace now and there is nothing wrong in understanding that and be happy for her .

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Inbal

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