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Psychology/Loved one with an emotional imbalance


My boyfriend and I have been together for a good number of years, we've had the usual up and downs as with any relationship and have stayed strong throughout it. But a few months ago we both suffered a loss in our families, his was more strenuous than mine because to this day he still has to deal with some legal work and other responsibilities that were passed onto him from it.

Lately we've been arguing more than usual, and he has been somewhat paranoid, very short with me, and snapping at me over the smallest thing or things that we once both joked about. This bothered him as much as if not even more than it bothered me so he went to see a doctor about it and was told that he is emotionally unstable.

Since learning this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with it, how to support him, and how to best live with someone who is. But everywhere I go for information I'm being told too end the relationship or according to one source 'RUN'.

It seems so cruel that despite the years that we've been together all advice I get is to abandon the relationship and him and treat him as if he's some leper. I love the man but I'm not stupid and have told him that if this relationship is to continue he needs to  take steps towards dealing with it, but still I don't know what I can do on my part.

Is there anything that I can do at all? Is there a way that I can continue living with him while he is emotionally unstable?


Thank you for submitting this question to me at

It can be very difficult living with someone who is experiencing such a difficult time in life. As you are always available to him and he feels secure with you, you are more likely to receive the brunt of his frustrations and angst. You are also the one to whom he feels most comfortable with.

It seems that you have been together for a long time and that you have seen him in much better situations. It is likely that, with support, the two of you can make it through this crisis. I would recommend that if you want to stay in this relationship, you should consider engaging in couples therapy with him to help both of you to improve how you support each other and to help you see the other's perspectives. The skills gained in couples therapy will be useful whether the two of you stay together in the long run or if you decide to walk separate paths. Therapy can be in a secular (with a psychologist or clinical social worker) or religious (with a priest or pastor) setting.

Best Wishes,
Dr. Luna


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Kristina Luna


I specialize in clinical psychology with particular experience in clinical hypnosis, borderline personality disorder, LGBTQ, and aging. I have not worked with children for several years and would not feel comfortable answering child and adolescent based questions. My interests in adult psychology are fairly diverse, so please, sent me a question and lets see if I can help.


I have been working in the field of psychology, to some degree, since 1998. Initially, my work was more behaviorally based, but through my educational and training experiences, I have expanded to a more eclectic viewpoint. I have taught introductory psychology and have worked in college counseling. I have also studied hypnosis for several years, completing my dissertation on basic research in hypnosis. Finally, I completed my internship and residency in a transitional treatment program for young adults (18 - 16) with difficulty transitioning from home.

Doctor of Psychology 2009 Indiana University of Pennsylvania Indiana, Pennsylvania Master of Arts in Psychology 2002 MCP Hahnemann/Drexel University Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Bachelor of Arts in Psychology 1997 Keuka College Keuka Park, New York

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