I struggle to love myself.  I have always been a perfectionist, and until now at 33, it's been ok to be like that because life naturally is perfect when you're young. But lately the "aging" part of life has taken it's toll on me and I'm not accepting it well.  I have always been a night owl and with insomnia that has popped up in my life and stress, lots of stress over past problems with my husband and changes in my life, I've gotten lots of white hair at this "young" age.  It's been hard for me to accept and has broken my self-esteem. And then everyone in my life tells me it's my fault because I worry about them too much, because I dont sleep enough, because I stress and think too much.  My husband gives me no support because he just says I bring it on myself.  I need him, emotionally, I could use a person who consoles and gives hope, but he is very hard (personality wise) He lives well, is always happy and sleeps like a baby.  He just tells me "try and be like me" and your life will improve.  So that makes me hate who I am even more, like I need to try and be like him, because he is perfect.  I feel like if I could love me and nourish myself, and not worry about white hairs and if my husband loves me or not, I would be able to sleep at night and be in peace.  Just wondering if you have any advice or good books to suggest me in reading to improve my lifestyle habits to see if it helps me slow down these white hairs that ruin myself esteem so much. Thank you!


Thank you for submitting your question to me here at AllExperts! The changes you are seeing in yourself may all be related to lifestyle choices (focusing on the gray hairs, staying up late, fixating on the negatives, ETC...), however making different choices can be very difficult. If there were a magic pill of self-acceptance, at least half the world would be taking it, but there is not. If there were a book that could fix everything for you, or at least tell you how to fix everything for yourself, it would never leave the best-seller list. My strongest recommendation is that you seek the help of a local psychologist or clinical social worker to process through these doubts about yourself and your relationships.

Best wishes,
Dr. Luna


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Kristina Luna


I specialize in clinical psychology with particular experience in clinical hypnosis, borderline personality disorder, LGBTQ, and aging. I have not worked with children for several years and would not feel comfortable answering child and adolescent based questions. My interests in adult psychology are fairly diverse, so please, sent me a question and lets see if I can help.


I have been working in the field of psychology, to some degree, since 1998. Initially, my work was more behaviorally based, but through my educational and training experiences, I have expanded to a more eclectic viewpoint. I have taught introductory psychology and have worked in college counseling. I have also studied hypnosis for several years, completing my dissertation on basic research in hypnosis. Finally, I completed my internship and residency in a transitional treatment program for young adults (18 - 16) with difficulty transitioning from home.

Doctor of Psychology 2009 Indiana University of Pennsylvania Indiana, Pennsylvania Master of Arts in Psychology 2002 MCP Hahnemann/Drexel University Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Bachelor of Arts in Psychology 1997 Keuka College Keuka Park, New York

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