Expert: Richard B. Miller - 6/8/2000

Question
I don`t know a lot about the Quaker religion but as a child I read a few historical fiction books with Quakers as the main characters and was fascinated and impressed by the characterizations. I wondered if people could really have such a deep faith in God.
My questions is: I am getting married in July and do not want to use the traditional wedding vows. I am divorced, though my fiancee has never been married, and feel uncomfortable using the same wording from my first marriage. I meant my vows when I said them, and I feel that I could not continue my first marriage, but I still feel so sad and ashamed.  Consequently, I would like to use the vow that is used in a Quaker wedding. At least, I found one on the Internet that says it is used by Quakers. Would someone from the Quaker faith find that offensive?

Just an aside: I have been a member of several Protestant denominations and I grew up in a Presbyterian church. I am looking for a new church and am struggling to find one. I do not want to be involved in a denomination that does not ordain women. How do Quakers feel about that issue?

Thank you for your time.

Answer
Quakers would not find it offensive in the least if you used a vow that had been used by Quakers.  Traditionally Quakers don't prepare what they will speak--we trust that God will give us the words.  However, people who know they are about to be married and feel they don't have a gift of vocal ministry may very well prepare a bit.  

Quakers have recognized women as ministers since there have been Quakers.  Traditional Quakers don't ordain anyone.  Ministry is a gift from the Holy Spirit which the Meeting can recognize but cannot dispense.  One doesn't become a minister by going to seminary and learning how to give sermons.  

That's the traditional view at any rate.  There are by now lots of Quaker groups that have gradually become more and more like regular Protestant churches and do have ordained ministers.  All of these, to my knowledge, will accept woman ministers.