Expert: David Rhodes Date: 5/16/2008 Subject: starting over after wife want's to call it quits
Question Hello, I have been married now for 3 yrs to my wife. I was divorced prior to meeting her. Just recently she asked me if she could have "guy" friends and I said yes because the trust level is high. Then out of the blue she said she wasn't happy and that i was doing all these things wrong and wasn't the guy she married 3yrs ago. She is now 23 and I am 27. I caught her in a lie about talking to this guy behind my back and very secretively. She wanted to call it quits and now after a couple of day's apart she wants to give it another chance. I was wondering how I should approach this situation in order to not scare her off and re-kindle some things that have been lost over the years. Thanks
Answer Anthony - the fact that she wants to give it another chance is a very good sign.
What the two of you need to do is get to a marriage counselor immediately. This is almost like treating a medical condition - it is not a "do it yourself" matter.
A competent counselor can get to the core issues you face pretty quickly.
One way you can contribute is to remain calm and loving no matter what. Just be a stalwart of love for her. That is the most appealing front you can present.
Secondly, when you talk to her - try to get her to focus on the things that attracted the two of you together in the first place. That has a tendency to rekindle pleasant thoughts.
Just keep your chin up, stay positive and get to a marriage counselor.
