AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any questions regarding a husband wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I have been divorced with 3 children, a single mother, and I'm remarried. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 6/27/2008 Subject: Confused
Question My husband and I have been together for 13 years and have been married since "2003". In the beginning I betrayed his trust by smoking pot and cigarettes. He stated I lied to him and he held a grudge for a long time. I have on numerous occasions betrayed his trust with smoking. Besides those flaws I have been a good wife. My issue is for the past 2 years, we have been separated. I left because of the way he either ignored me or made me feel inadequate and inferior.The 1st time I left for 3 months. I came back on my own due to wanting to work things out. I changed totally. I gave my life to Christ and started going to church. Every Sunday I asked if he would come with, but of course he wouldn't. After a year of my return, things didn't change. He was still ignoring me. It felt like I was being punished for what I did and I always had to prove to him that I was changing. After a year, I again left. It's been two years, which most of this time I was begging him for us to try to work things out. Well needless to say, I started smoking again and of course he made one of his unexpected visits which he discovered that I started smoking again. He left not listening to anything I had to say. After 2 weeks, my friend bought me a ticket to NY, which I had to postpone due to his trust issues and his needing for me to visit him so we can discuss things, which we did. At that moment, I wanted to try & work things out, now I'm not so sure. He asked me what I would need or want to make this marriage work. I responded to him that what I needed was Equality, Communication, Consideration, eventually trust would come and I needed for him to go to church with me. Well, after 2 weeks I just got a call from him saying that he will do what I ask of him. I on the other hand don't want to try to work it out anymore.
Please help!!!
Answer Hi Marilyn~
If you truly feel that you don't want to work it out, and you just can't do this anymore, then you need to be honest with him and tell him exactly that. It's unfair to drag this on any longer than this has already gone on. So you need to break the news to him (if you're absolutely sure that this is your final and ultimate decision).
He might want an explanation of why you had a change of heart. So you need to be prepared to give him one, I mean that's the least you can do. I think you've really made the right decision to cut your losses while you can. After all you've been separated for all this time anyway. It sounds like you've been on two different levels and not seeing eye to eye for a long time, even though you've tried and tried to get back together, it's just never worked yet.
So tell him the truth and try to explain to him why you feel this way. The important thing here is that you go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Whatever that decision ultimately is.
