AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any questions regarding a husband wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I have been divorced with 3 children, a single mother, and I'm remarried. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 6/22/2008 Subject: Is this marriage worth saving
Question I have been married for a little over 2 1/2 years. The relationship whirl winded to talk about marriage after only 3 weeks together, we moved in together at 4 weeks and we were married after 4 months together.
I am a local truck driver, home every night, and believe I am a good provider, good husband, and step father. I am 41, divorced and have one 14 yo son living with his mom in CA. My wife is 39, twice divorced, a stay at home mom. She receives SS disability. She has epilepsy and is on several medications
We have had "small" arguments almost always since we moved in together, but they have almost always focused on finances, even though I was making more than enough to cover all the bills and even pay off CC balances of up to $1500 every month. I have had issues with her flirty nature and have asked her to please tone it down, she responded with thats me, deal with it.
We bought a larger house about 1 1/2 yrs ago, finances then became tighter, and the arguments started escalating. I had to work more hours to maintain the finances. She started to become more suspicious and accusative. She has many male friends and when we fight, will always throw out the i can get sex from any number of men card.
I am not without fault, I am jealous and will accuse her of infidelity, i blame it mainly on her always saying things like that, which i hold on to. I have lied to her about small things, suck as going out to eat lunch with the guys at work. I have let my anger slip and say things during fights I should not have, like "well fine then, i'm gonna go charge up this and that card". I also have a temper and have thrown things and broken things during the larger more recent fights. She has told friends and myself that she is afraid of me. I am currently going to counseling, hoping to fix my issues, or at least deal with them better.
In the past few weeks, she has asked for divorce, but I am refusing to, i want to keep the marriage and have even asked her to go to marriage counseling with me, she refuses, saying that it will not help.
On more note, though not officially diagnosed with it, she and several other have said that she might be bi=polar, manic depressive, she has drastic mood swings, even last night, very literally one min, fine, the next, yelling and screaming about finances.
Since we have gone through all of this, and there is more details, but i believe this is the jist of it. We have no children together, any material possessions. I am wasting my time, is it even worth trying to save the relationship?
Thank you
Answer Hi Randy~
You can't do this on your own. She needs to be a willing participant in order to give this marriage a shot to be salvaged. If she refuses then there's not much you can do about that. You can't make her do something that she's either unwilling or unable to do (which is give the marriage a chance). It sounds like she's made up her mind already. I mean what more can you do? You're doing everything right, and doing all that you can do to try to save it.
You need to try and sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can come to a compromise to work out these differences. And if not, you've done all that you can do within your power to give it a try. She's just refusing and not responding, by claiming it's not going to work (how does she know if she won't give it a shot at least).
So you may be just spinning your wheels here and wasting your time and energy with her. You have to make a decision on what to do next. Which you might have to prepare yourself for eventually leaving her for good. Only you can make that choice. Either way it's a tough decision to make. Go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Whatever that decision ultimately is.
