AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any questions regarding a husband wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I have been divorced with 3 children, a single mother, and I'm remarried. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 6/23/2008 Subject: While I do all the work he rests
Question I have been married for over 40 years. I am now isolated in a country area. My husband will soon be 70. He had a big heart op in 2004. We live in a large house - 2 storey and its a lot of work.When we moved here from a suburb of a city we planned lots of things but our health went downhill as soon as we got here. I had breast cancer (months of treatment) and my husband has a heart problem. However he is very well at present. Problem is I do heaps of work looking after this big house. My husbsnd leaves all the emotional stuff and contact with our 3 sons to me just everything - he acts like a guest himself if they come and visit. I feel tired and depressed. My husband goes for long walks talks with neighbours or rests a lot while trying to follow any of my own interest is like trying to walk through treacle. he is reluctant to go out anywhere I feel bored and restless. By 1pm I have just about had it and feel very tired. My husband refuses to move away from here. I cant sleep I am smoking my head off and I just feel stuck. Worse still I have lost my enthusiasm for my hobbies and just feel its not worth all the trouble. I am constantly interrupted to go and do something - when will lunch be ready? what are we having for tea tonight? what has happened to all my t- shirts - why havent you done the ironing? I could go on. What should I do? Sometimes I feel like I just want to split everything and go my own way in fact I think of little else. After all my health is not all that good. Aren't I supposed to be retired too ? What a joke!
Answer Hi Marg~
I doubt he even has one clue of how your feeling and what a toll this has taken on you and your very health. You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Perhaps you can come up with some sort of compromise to work these differences out. If not, then you need to tell him that you want out of this marriage. Why continue to live in such an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage that's so far, gotten you no where, but to misery.
You basically have two choice here. A) stay with him and continue to be miserable and put up with his crap. Or B) you tell him that you just can't do this a moment longer. That this has to stop and something has to give. He starts to change and help you out (even if it's doing a couple of simple chores per week) or your gone b/c your health simply can't take it anymore. Stress isn't good for anyone, it causes health problems, which can lead to heart attacks, etc.
The choice is yours and only one you can make. You could hire some part time help to help you around the house once per week. And even suggest some marriage counseling to him. If he'll agree to go. If nothing else, go get some individual therapy for you to help you make a decision on what you should do next. Or at least how to deal with all of this, when it becomes too much to bear. You need someone to talk to and to get all of this off your chest. I can't imagine how much of a toll this is taking on you. You must be just worn out and exhausted from all of this that's going on on a daily basis. You have to do something or it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on. And then you're really going to end up resenting him even more than you do now. The choice is yours and it all starts with you.
