AboutGraham Smith B.PHIL Expertise I can help with any question on marriage, based on my 29 years of marriage. I also have two children, and one granddaughter.
Experience 29years of marriage.
Education/Credentials I have a bachelor of Philosophy from the Liverpool university (UK)
Question I am three months away from marrying and dont know if I should.
We have been together for a year now and marry in Sept. The problem is Ive been off work since the end of Feb due to a tumor behind my left eye. This has left only one of us working full time while I recieve little monies on health insurance.
The drugs I am on have shut my immune system down almost completely like rebooting a computer. At this point Im about 45% recovered. You need to know this as it all relates to the treatment and consideration I am getting!
At this point in time I cant talk about anything with my fiance without being told too F..off! Or get the F..out! etc,etc,.
The issues I am having with are leaving dirty diapers in the hamper for a week at a time. Not helping me do housework! Not helping with the dishes! All the things that put me at risk of being exposed to nasty bugs. Which at this point I will have a hard time battleing.
I have asked for help time and time again and all I get is fight and excuses as she figures she is way too tired after standing on her feet all day doing retail sales.
She has just quit her 5th job since we met last year and thats before I have even found one as I cant afford to live on the minimal amount of monies Im getting!
She also sells beauty stuff in the evening. Something she said she was going to do so we could make ends meet while Im sick. All she made from it went to her makeup mostly and some things around the house. She has now quit one and gone to another.
Obviously this is stressing me. When I talk about the stress she is causing I get verbal abuse and told how sick of it all she is. How nothing she does will ever be good enough.
I have always told her that I need quality time in my relationship. Something that isnt happening at present as she is either on a job search or going to a beauty meeting.
Im not perfect...but I do know what her love languages are as we have talked about them and Im hitting them all with all my energy except one. Understanding! She phoned me and asked me if she should quit her job. While I didnt agree I didnt want a fight either! I wouldnt willingly put my family through that as she seems too. She tells me the job is driving her crazy and that she hates it as soon as she wakes!
However how can I be understanding after being repeatedly watching her spend hours doing job searches, while I sit and watch TV by myself. I told her last night that maybe its not the jobs it could be her. She replied she hates working for other people and hates being told when she has to work! Our love life sucks! I feel I show the love more. How much of this looking at the back of her head must I keep enduring? She has told me she is going to stay at her Grandmas tonight! Might be a good idea as I dont think I could handle being told to go to hell again! I just cant get her to realize how badly this all makes me feel knowing someone cant even take my health into consideration. Am I wrong to call her on such things? She has admitted the laziness around the house but responds that she hates doing housework. My response is who doesnt! It still needs to be done. Please help me. Im really a wreck over this and it seems all very hurtful! Who would have thought a guy is begging for a womens help in the kitchen or housework!
Jason
Answer Hi jason,
you are the only one who can decide to marry her or not;but her own life is an issue here,because she admits to being lazy and she has a problem with her foul mouth.Now,there has to be underlying reasons why she is like this.You both need help from someone far more qualified than i will ever be. take a look at this site
