AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any questions regarding a husband wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I have been divorced with 3 children, a single mother, and I'm remarried. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: Dear S. Kessler
Question I have been with this woman for 11 years, married for 8. The whole time it has been turmoil, both of our faults. Now that I have retired from the military, it hasn't gotten any better. I have a good job, decent retirement check and she doesn't have to work. Thing is she won't do anything. Just moans about our past.
We have each been going to counseling separately. One time we tried to go together, she just sat there with tears and wouldn't talk much at all. Now we had another counseling session scheduled and she had another appointment come up that she is going to instead.
The marriage feels dead, we are not making any head way. I don't feel like she wants to try. Just sits and plays on the PC all day and taking "happy pills."
What are your thoughts?
Answer Hi John~
If you feel the marriage is dead, well then perhaps it is. Why continue to be in an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage? Is the counseling even working for you? She could be depressed and feel that she's worthless, so therefore she does nothing but play on the computer to pass the time away. She doesn't know how to interact with you anymore. And really, that's a sad fact to face. She's not putting forth any effort to at least try and save the marriage. What more can you really do? Nothing. You can't make her feel or do something that she's either incapable or unwilling to feel/do. That includes trying to make the marriage work. She sounds so empty and sad inside.
You need to try and sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. She needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. If she still refuses to try, well, then maybe you need to reevaluate and reconsider this marriage. You shouldn't feel that you have to just settle for a marriage of convenience or out of obligation.
The point here is if she's not going to do her part in the marriage to make it work, then there doesn't seem to be much hope for it in the future. You should go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. It's unfair to you to stay in this marriage if she can't work on it and pull her weight and contribute to the marriage to make it better. The choice is now yours to make as to whether you stay or go. Either way its' a tough decision to make, but one that has to be done or it's only going to get that much worse as time goes on.
