AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any questions regarding a husband wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I have been divorced with 3 children, a single mother, and I'm remarried. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 7/1/2008 Subject: third affair
Question Where do I begin!!! I have been married for 15 years. I'm 34 and my husband is 35. we have 2 children, 9 and 4.
To make a long story short, we both are very sucessful in our corporate lives. He has had 3 affairs in the past 9 years. 2 of which were with the same woman. The first one i forgave, given the circumstances with a new child.
The second one, I did take responsibility. I was traveling the country with my career, making a 6 figure income. This one, He told me about it a week ago. He confesses the details. I honestly had NO idea. We are very good friends and have LOTS of fun. I dont get it. His "friend" will be moving out of their workplace to get away from him. He has told her twice that he would leave me and never does. I was there listening when he ended this affair on Saturday. I heard the whole conversation. The 2 affairs happend in the last year and a half. After the one last year, I SWORE I would never stay if he did it again.
Thats the question. Do I go back on my word and stay?? He takes all responsibility for this. Said it always starts as just talking and seems to go further. But that I am a wonderful, great, beautiful wife............HELP................
Answer Hi Anglea~
What do you want to do about this? Do you want to stay with him and try to make it work one last time? If so, then I would strongly urge you to go to marriage counseling to figure out why he's doing this (the cheating). When a person cheats they do it b/c something's lacking in the marriage; such as attention, affection, attraction, sexual, etc. You need to get to the bottom of why he's doing this and why he feels the urge/need to cheat on you, not just once but multiple times.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is making you feel. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. Counseling should be a requirement if you're to give him another chance. He has to be willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work, and I mean whatever. He has to learn to keep it in his pants. When he cheats on you it's a blatant disregard and disrespect to you.
Personally, if I were in your situation (and believe me I have been, in both my marriages), I would tell him he must attend counseling. And it's to never happen again, if it does, then he's out and you're leaving him (this is when you'd HAVE to follow through with your promise, or he'll never take you seriously again). He'll know that he can keep doing it and you won't leave him. It simply can't get to that point ever again. He'd have to prove that he's committed to you and only you. It's going to take you a while to begin to trust and believe him again. It's a process and can often take a long time to do so. If you think you can do that, then you can/should give him only one more shot, and no more. If he blows it then that's his problem and loss, not yours. Go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Whatever ultimately that decision is.
