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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship > Marriage
Expert: Dr Tim Gladu - 10/28/2009
Question
I can't believe that I am doing this but I have been married for 15 years and we have had a lot of ups and downs. But for the last couple of years I have fallen out of Love with my husband. I love him but I am not inlove with him. I am a christian with two children. He harps on weight and is scared to death that I am going to get fat. This is a issue that I have prayed about for a long time, I have done some bad things to my body to lose weight, and for the last six months I have prayed to God to help me with this and I have come to the conclusion that is is my husband that has put all this in my mind and my self image. He will look at me with disgust if I eat something that he thinks is fatting. We have got into arguments about this, and I am just sick of it. I want to be happy with someone that loves me for me and right now I just don't know what to do. He caused our family to loss a lot of money because of greed, amoung other things and I think over the years I have just fallen our of love. Right now I just don't know what to do besides pray. But I need happiness and joy back in my life and I just don't have it with him because he is so negative.
Answer
Deanna,
I would like you to examine your life and see what you can do to make it better. You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect someone else to make you happy. We so often think that our happiness is based on our partners or spouse. You are in control you just have been allowing someesle to have control. Find what makes you happy in spite of your husband. He can say things or even do things that can make you mad, but you still have control. When you have found what makes you happy then you need to get into counseling. If you are able to speak to someone about your issues and realize that you are not alone this will also help you become happy. I know what it is like to depend on others for happiness. If you take back control and let go a little you may find that your husband has little to do with your happiness. The first relationship to work on is your relationship with the Lord. When you have that straight it will not matter what your husband says or does. When he sees that what he says has no reaction then suggest that he come to counseling and then he can see that his power over you is minimal and it should change his attitude. I know that this seems short or even simple, but it will take some time to get through. I would also suggest you find a Christian counselor, because they are allowed to use Biblical principals to help you deal with your issues.
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