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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship > My girlfriend is a stripper
Expert: Ray Wigley - 11/6/2009
Question
My girlfriend has been stripping for a few months now. When we first got together I really didn't notice this problem. But, I feel like she is way sexier at work than at home. This bothers me because I feel like it should be the other way around. We have been living together for five years, and are suppose to be married next year. I just don't understand why all the panties and bra's can match at work, and not at home. We are both in our early 20's. I also feel like she wants less to do with me and seems withdrawn. At first I worried about drugs, but I don't think so. She says she will quit if I want her to. I don't really mind her working there. I just don't want it to change who she is when she is home. My question is do you think its selfish for me to want her to be more sexy at home than at work. I really hit a brick wall trying to discuss how I feel with her. But I want this to work I love her. She is just really withdrawn at home. Doesn't want to talk or have sex at all anymore. We used to have sex a couple times a day sometimes but at least once a day. I knew this would drop off eventually. But down to once a week when she only works three nights a week. Her only job. I put in 40hrs a week and still want her all the time. I really have no one to talk to about this. Should I be concerned about this drop off in sex? Any advice would be great. Thank you in advance!!!!!
Answer
Hi John
There are two things that need addressing here; one is your sex drive the other is your wanting her to behave sexy at home.
Lets deal with the sex drive. Sex in a relationship tends to decline over time and this could be what is happening here. But you are also suffering from internal stress and fear of rejection by your girlfriend. I would suggest that you two consider a break and take a holiday together to see if it can rfresh your sexual attraction to each other. Also you might want to visit your GP for a full health check just to be sure nothing is unto ward with you.
Now the sexy thing. I am not sure what you do for a living but I have been involved as a surgeon for a period of my life. When I come home I want to unwind from my job and not have to spend time carving the turkey or dealing with other people's cuts and bruises. It is my free time and I want to spend it doing something else. Your girlfriend needs to feel the same. She works at a particular level, immersing herself into the role and she just wants to come home and be herself. She may well feel she is being oggled at and being treated like a piece of meat on display.
You need to separate the stripper from your girlfriend. You need to treat her with respect kindnes and even romance her forgetting what she does for a living.
If you want more advice please do reply
Ray
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