AboutGraham Smith B.PHIL Expertise I can help with any question on marriage, based on my 31 years of marriage. I also have two children, and one granddaughter,and one step grandaughter.
Experience 31years of marriage.
Education/Credentials I have a bachelor of Philosophy from the Liverpool university (UK)
Question i need some help. i have been with my partner for 3 years. we separated after 2 because he had an affair. i have managed to take him back but nothing is the same. we have turned into an old married couple. sex once a week, same night, same time, same style, there is no longer the hot steamy passion that we once shared. he has lost his spark completely and i miss it so. he wants more time alone and when he is with us it appears that he is grumpy or somehow looking for a fight. he no longer tells me that im beautiful or i turn him on or that im special to him. he always used to and now just doesnt. at the most when we are together he will hold my hand. i have to go to him and kiss him or hug him. i have tried to organise special time but he makes excuses or if he does come he is a full sad sack. im always spontanious and doing little things for him but they are unappreciated so im at a loss. when we talk it goes around in circles and nothing gets sorted. any other ideas? i feel quite lonely in this relationship at the moment, where as he seems quite contented and comfy.
Answer Hiya Suzi
it is common for the guy to go in to his "cave", (thats what men do you see") whenever any trouble is ahead. His lack of showing any love back is nothing more than his guilt showing though;he feels he can't go to far or you will think he is thinking about that other girl. Now, the only way to get it sorted is for you two to be open and and honest about how you both feel, he of course, will not want to speak his affair but he must, if he is to move forward. He will also feel, given any chance you will jump into another man's bed;that what comes with guilt. So if you look at all this as one problem,it needs the two of you to sit and talk. Show him your letter, show him my reply, it might just help.
good luck
Graham
