AboutRay Wigley Expertise I can answer questions on sexual problems suffered by single people or couples in a relationship. I have been a sex therapist for eight years and involved in private practise all that time. I am also a psychiatrist so can discuss all aspects of the human interaction on a pure confidential and professional basis.
Experience I have studied sex therapy for over 12 years and practised for eight years. I regularly provide private clinics in southern England for patients undergoing therapy following medical conditions like heart attackes strokes etc,
Publications I have written articles for a number of forum magazines
Education/Credentials Doctorate in Medicine, PhD in microBiology
Question I have been married for almost 21 years. We have two children, so at one point or another we actually had intercourse....Though as long as I can remember I have only given him oral sex. It has become so routine, I could tell you the exact outcome everytime. This has bothered me for sometime.....I perform the oral sex, then he asks if I want my vibrator. I am a very sexual person, and was before I married as well. I have had a few sexual experiences outside of my marriage as a result of this. I feel very guilty about it. It has come up in a joke format from time to time and he says, "its a good way to not get pregnant", or some other joke answer. I never wanted to push it, but unfortunately it built up and up and up. I recently brought it up in a huge way....and he won't really acknowledge this as a problem. Says that love is not based on how many times you have intercourse. I feel that he never has "really" loved me, or like a sex object only. I feel very unattractive and it has caused me severe insecurities. We are now on the verge of divorce, and he will not consult a counselor as he doesn't feel dwelling on the past will help.................I'm so confused."
Answer Hi Michelle
Tell him you are not dwelling on the past but trying to resolve your future
He obviously has an issue with actual penetrative sex, either his penis will not remain rigid for penetratin to take effect or he has a low sex drive with similar result.
Either way this is not doing you any good. My advice take a long look at his lifestyle. is he stressed or is he just not interested in sex. Maybe intriduce the blue pill to help him achieve some long term rigidity and allow for penetration. Tell him pregnancy does not happen every time you have sex.
Also may I be blunt here and ask you to take a long look at yourself. Are you still 'the woman' he married or have things slipped. I am not suggesting anything just being impartial.
I hope this helps, if you need more advice then do get back to me
