Expert: Vani - 1/14/2010

Question
i been married since 10yrs . few days of beggining were good after that we been having argument so many times. i don't know what to do we have also have children age 4 and 2. my husband never understand my feeling never wish me good on my birthdays etc. he feels i am stupid don't know anything about smart,clever.
he likes our other friend's wife i didn't know that since i have seen that he give her very much important we had big argument about her and in anger i said that go and live in her house and he got so much mad and beat me with his hand told me that get out from his house. all the time he says go to your parents house and talking bad about my parents. i know that my parents are not well educated and modern personality and not that much rich. his parents r in india. before i had very much feeling for them but their behavier with me not good so now i don't have any feeling for them.  3 yrs ago my husband also liked one of my best friend and told that he had feeling with her but not anymore he told to my friend and my friend got so much angry and told her husband before my husband and my freind husband were good friends but after that everything is finished. i still talk to my friend somtimesi. my husband not giving me respect not helping to housework or with kids only he just love kids and not doing anything in house he spent only 10 min a day and thats it. and work. thats it he give important to others not me and not understand my feeling. he beats me so many time for little things. what to do? i want to die or want to go somewhere and leave everything. there is so many thing please help

Answer
Hi Dharmi,

You have small kids and no financial independence, divorce at such a juncture can be bad for the kids. First you will have to try and get his parents into confidence, obviously they are the only one's who can make him mend his ways. But never complain about him, try and befriend them all over again even if you don't like it. This way you will have a support system.

Stop arguing with him about petty issues, instead ignore him altogether. Get busy with kids and household chores, try talking to him bare minimum. Instead try and make your own friend circle. Take your kids to the park, talk and help like minded people. Next time he praises another woman, just walk out of the room. Very politely tell him that if you were to inform the police even once that he beats you, he will be behind bars forever. Next time he even raises his voice, just sweetly tell him about the 911 services.

Regards,

Vani