Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/advice


Iíve got married a month ago to my 7.5year old boyfriend. This is our 1st time living together and things have been good. A week before we married, he cheated on me and says he didnít, but clearly booked a hotel and flight for the girl. Anyway, I decided to go along with the wedding. In the myth of it all, I asked him to provide me the credit card bill which he has yet to provide. When he didnít provide it, if figured when the mail came I would see it for myself as I am certain in was purchases. As weeks went by, Iíve started to see the credit card bill or his other personal banking accounts come to the house for him. Iím assume he changed the address on the bills to either his office address or a P.O box. Itís clear he did his dirt at this point. I asked him on numerous occasion where are bills- his response was, ďIím a private personĒ. I do believe he should have his privacy, and by that I mean me not opening his mail. But Iím wondering if itís ok for him to have his accounts sent to another address, when we have a house- it shows 2 things- 1. he doesnít trust me or 2.he has something to hide. Iím willing to go with option 2. In this case, what do you think I can do to fix this problem?


Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame
Love Again ~ Creating  
Dear Tameka,
  Clearly you and your new husband love each other... but love is not enough.  If we do not have a way to honestly talk with each other about our feelings - I call it being "connected" with each other - love will become buried.  Hurt and misunderstandings and finally anger will take its place.
  I think you and your husband need to talk about how to have an open and honest relationship, even though it feels hard.  I'd try to take a relationship class together, or read a book together.
  Look at it this way.  You wouldn't expect yourself or your husband to be able to just start talking Italian, would you?  Not being able to talk Italian doesn't mean that anything is wrong with either of you - you've just never studied it and learned.  Having a relationship is the same thing.  None of us really know how to do it the right way.  (Just look at all the break-ups and divorces there are.)  We need to learn.

Good luck to you!
Jan Harrell, PhD
author, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Jan Harrell, PhD


I believe I can address any questions and concerns a person might have.


I have been a clinical psychologist for 32 years. I co-authored a book on relationships, Love Again ~ Creating Relationships Without Blame, with my husband of 40 years, who is also a psychologist. I have taught at UCLA and at Southern Oregon University. I was the psychology columnist for the magazine, Make You Happen! for 1 1/2 years.

I have a doctorate in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California.

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