Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Getting a little help from my husband.
QUESTION: We have been together almost 7 years, we have 5 kids 5 and under (no twins), I homeschool our oldest, nurse our 3 month old, I do everything having to do with the kids, diapers (we have 2 in diapers), taking our five year old to dance and gymnastics twice a week with every one else in tow, get them up in the morning and put them to bed at night, I cook every meal, I do everyones laundry, I do all the dishes, I do all the cleaning, and I take care of the dog, he doesn't do anything but go to work, pay the bills, and complain about everything I do, I don't think I'm asking alot, all I want is for him to take out the trash, and pick up after himself, and maybe do one chore or give me a break once a week, but to him even that's asking to much, how do I get a little help?
ANSWER: What I'm going to say may sound like I'm on his side but let me assure you that's am not! I am othe Side of creating a wholesome and happy family and that includes you in a major way. The question you have is how do you get your husband to do more for you?
Right now your overwhelmed and under appreciated and to be honest your wondering what you've gotten yourself into? Let me make this very easy for you, go buy a book called "the proper care and feeding of husbands". It's by dr. Laura Schlesinger. Please read the entire book and then retread the sections to gain a full understanding of what she is trying to teach.
Dr Laura learned a long time ago that by giving men what they want, men will intern give back to the women they love. Tis is not an issue of who is right or wrong, your obviously doing a lot of right but so is he. The issue is how to get the two of you doing the right things together.
As you begone to fill his needs he will fall into working for you. I promise that men are motivated through pleasing their women and you will give him plenty of opportunity for him to please you.
Pleaseletme me know how it works out. I've had many women who have seen dramatic changes after using the advise in the book.
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QUESTION: Your answer is to go buy a book, and that may be all well and good for a wife who works, has her own money and can leave the house if she wants, but I have absolutely no money of my own ever, and the only time I get out of the house is the twice a week I take my son to his classes, and the once every two weeks the whole family goes grocery shopping, how do I get him to let me buy this book when I can't even get him to buy a toaster (he thinks its worthless because I can toast bread in a pan.)?
I truly do apologize, your first question gave no indication of your true situation. The book I mentioned will not work for you, it requires a level of true love on the part of your husband and based on what you've written he's into complete control.
Let me ask a few questions to gauge the level of your relationship:
1. Is your husband physically abusive to you or your children?
2. Does your husband have a reason why he does not give you any money or freedom? This is from his perspective not what you think....
3. Does he control the lives of your children as well and if so what does he do?
4. What does your husband do for a living?
5. Do you live in a large or small community?
6. Do you have relatives you can trust? Could you stay with them if necessary?
7. What do you think your husband would do if you left? Do not talk to him about this simply what would he do if he found you and the kids gone?
8. Do you love your husband and do you think he loves you?
9. Is sex compulsory or voluntary?
10.what does your husband do when he gets upset?
There are many more questions I would like to ask but these will help in gauging your level of healthy relationship. Once I have your answers I can try to help with more clarity.