Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Cheating spouse
About 3 months ago I found a message from another man to my wife saying "I love you". I was led to believe that it was accidental and meant for his girlfriend. Weeks later I find a conversation with my wife and her friend sayin how he broke her heart and how she had slept with him. So I of course confront her about it and he admits to only kissing him just once, but from everything I've found out by digging and digging and finding more and more of her lies and based on her behavior at the time I the "alleged affair" as she says, I just can't seem to get over the fact that this happened. My wife has expressed remorse for her actions and said that she would like to work it an and stay together but I do not feel she has taken full responsibility for what happened. It is hard for me to fully forgive her when I feel like I don't know what happened between the two. Granted this happened when we were not even married 1 year yet. I feel my wife hasn't changed any past poor behaviors I've addressed in our relationship and have been feeling distant from her more often. I also realize that I may not have always been there for her and have many faults of my own, but I'm starting to feel like I should not let her off the hook so easy and maybe should have separated from her.
It is a rare thing when a Husband asks me this question....regardless the answer is the same.
For a spouse to cheat so early in the relationship show signs of immaturity. It is normal after a year for relationships to start losing the newness, and the reality of marriage sets in. If one or the other starts to look outside of the relationship for what they feel is missing, trouble occurs.
I suggest a marriage counselor to help define each others needs. You are totally correct, in the midst of a deception the only action then to take is to come clean and to have full disclosure. You cant forgive what you don't know.....well you can but you will always have a doubt that will then get in the way of the intimacy a marriage deserves.
Love is the constant and what makes one fight and do whatever it takes. If your wife Loves you she will do what it takes. Stay strong and ask for the Truth, it is the only thing that can save this relationship..
I hope I was able to guide to a different perspective.
In Love and Light...Maria