Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/need your help


Hello, I want to tell you something and hopefully you can help me.
Some background info - I am a 28yo male, married for a couple of years and have been suffering on and off from depression for a good few years. Most of my depression is related to me and my personality. I should try to explain a bit more. I have always been a quiet and shy person. I get on well with pretty much anyone but I dont have any close friends, even among members of my family who I rarely see. I guess at times I feel lonely and would like to be more 'normal' (you probably hate that word but there it is). The situation is probably not helped by my wife working out of the country during the week and only back at weekends. Lately I have tried to be a bit more sociable with my work friends and also my wifes sister and her partner (just together, not married or engaged). I have been to see a counseller to talk about my depression and other issues for a few weeks. This week was a very tough week, I think things just got on top of me a bit too much - being lonely, cold weather, wife away etc.. and a bad week in work. On one of the evenings, my wifes sister came round for a cup of tea and a chat and I guess she could see something wasnt quite right with me and was asking questions. I guess I was at a particularly low point so I blurted out everything about how I had been feeling lately etc... and had a bit of a cry. My wifes sister offered me a hug which is just what i needed. However, as we separated, I kissed her. Im not really too sure what happened next, I think she was just surprised and caught offguard really while I apologised. Im not sure how long she stayed before getting a taxi, might have been 5mins or 30mins, its all a blur. Since then I have thought of nothing else. It's probably not helped by the fact that I find my sister in law very attractive and I think about her quite a bit while masturbating during the week/in shower etc... Ive even fantasised about her wearing her bridesmaid's dress for me. I guess all of this has me more confused than ever!
What do you think about my situation?

Hi Damien~

You acknowledging that you indeed have a problem in battling depression is a huge step, and secondly getting help by going to counseling is a great thing for you to do for yourself.  Depression is a very ugly thing for one to go through.  My husband has he fair share of depression and being pushed over the edge into a deep depression where he wanted to take his own life, it got so bad.  So I can relate to a certain extent to you and what you might be going through.  Reaching out to someone is a commendable thing for you to have done.  So keep going to your counseling sessions.  It can be very cathartic for you to go to therapy, and having someone to talk to.  Not everyone in your situation would be willing to reach out for help while battling depression.  Not only that but in your loneliness you did something very out of characteristic of you by kissing your sister in law.  It happens and you have to learn to move past it.  Ask your counselor how you can cope and deal with these feelings you have for your SIL.  He/She should be very professional in giving you advice and he/she should not be judgmental of you when you tell him/her what recently happened.  

You also have to decide if you want to tell your wife what happened.  She most likely will not take it well, and she'll probably be really angry at you (so prepare yourself for this, should you go ahead and tell her what happened).  You might consider telling her before her sister tells her what you did.  And this way you can work through this with your wife.  This might give her trust issues though, and  of course you'll have to cope and deal with that along the way too.  However, I wouldn't go into great detail of how you're very attracted to her, etc.  

With that said with you being attracted to her and fantasizing about your SIL, that's actually pretty normal for a person to do.  As long as you're not obsessively doing it and it's not interfering with your daily life functioning then it's okay to do what you're doing with the masturbating and fantasizing, etc.  It's only human nature to fantasize about someone, and it can actually be a healthy thing to do for a person (as I said earlier, as long as it's not an unhealthy obsession and it's interfering with normal daily functioning).  I hope this helps you some.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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I can answer most any questions regarding a husband/wife relationship. Whatever the question may be. I would like to help you find an answer to it. If you want an honest and unbiased opinion on things then ask away. I am a divorced mother of 4 children, I have been a single mother, and I'm currently remarried and have a 4th daughter with my husband. I know what it is like to have a spouse cheat on you, to be taken advantage of, to feel like everything is hopeless (being depressed), emotions (the up`s and down`s). I will try to answer anything you have on your mind about husband-wife relationships, divorce, adultery, etc. Please don`t hesitate to ask.


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