Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Saving my marriage


My husband of 7 years, we aren't sleeping together anymore.  It started 2 weeks ago.  Heís a heavy sleeper and Iím a super light sleeper.  I works 2nd shift and he works 1st shift.  I get home at 12:30 AM and most of the time, he sleep late.  We have a 9 months old son and Iím pregnant at two months too.  His cellphone alarm ring at 6:20 AM and every time I have to wake him up.  He just presses on the snooze bottom and sleep again.  But thatís not all; it wakes up my son too.  I told him to sleep in another room because with the situation Iím in, it is very tiring.  He did sleep in a different room but he took it as I kick him out.  One weekend I asked him to sleep with me and he refused.  I told him he can sleep with me on weekends. He still refuses.  My long years with this man are that he doesnít understand.  He used to be a people pleaser.  He would go into large debt, bankrupt just to make his parents happy.  He always put me last.  He learnned his lesson and we live on our own now.  Thinking of my kids and the future beyond today, I forgave him.   As of right now, there are no talking, no intimacy.  I used to stress a lot because he has done the unthinkable.  Now, I feel just like him.  I feel nothing.  I am aware of my future and the kids.  With all these things about him and todayís situation, I donít know if thereís a future for the two of us.  Overall, he's a good person.  He can be very annoying, childish and makes me mad.  I love him but I feel I have to please him every time I make him mad. and  Any advice would help.  Thanks.

Hi Lily,

Let me see if I have this right.   You have been married for 7 years, you have a small child and are pregnant.  About 2 weeks ago you forced him to sleep in another room. There is not much if any intimacy or affection between you.

It sounds like you two do not have much communication.  There must be some times when both of you are awake, make sure you are together as much of the time as possible and talk.  Not about your problems but about things in general, how your days are going, what's new.  We use to call that small talk.   Also show him affection. Gentle touches on is arm when you are talking, hugs, kisses, even smiles when you first see him.  Every person needs to feel affection.  We all need to communicate. And we all need to be respected.  When you tossed him out of your bed, you disrespected him.  Because you don't see each other enough, the communication is down.   The lack of affection is obvious.   So, show, don't tell, him that you love and respect him.  Give him the affection and communication that he needs and you will get that in return.

Good luck.

Tom Blair
Relationship Coach

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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