Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/After Child birth my wife behaviour changed
QUESTION: We marry on 14th Dec'2010, Initially before marriage 2 time my wife has taken objection about her Marriage & Engagement Dress.
1st time she return the Engagement sari complaining that there is hole in sari, then we replace the same, but here intention is to know from where we have purchase and at what rate.
2nd time we have purchase Sari from Famous Khatri Shop, then she point out that she require border along with that, the she inquire in that shop, and Khartri shop never sale secondhand material, we have purchase that sari from Khatri Sale, but that time she argue with us that you have purchase secondhand sari., then we decide that she is creating problem in every thing, so we tell here that call your father we want to discuss with them, then one day she come with brother and say don't involve my father, he is hart patient, and her & her brother say sorry to us. and we have not taken this matter further.,
With my mother my wife happy, both divided the house work, My mother wash the cloth then my wife do house cleaning and like that.
then after 6-7 month she pregnant but we miss that child, but one thing i remember about here is in that "behosi" she only speak my name, so definitely she love me lot and i am also taking care., we both together happy.,
then after another 7-8 month she pregnant, and as per our hindu law fist delivery done at girls mother place, but she doesn't have mother, so i have taken all responsibility that i am taking care, then just for formality my wife sister come at our house and that time my mother also reply to them that, we take care about her. and as per my budget i have selected best hospital near to my residence, AC private room and all.,
On this 10th August'2012 child born that time my wife told me & to doctor that handover this child to mother in law "SASUMA" she give here "Honey" bcause she want that my mother "Sanskar" should come in our child, it show that she is happy with my family also.
but one day before discharge from hospital, my wife brother ask my wife that any hospital bill is require to pay, (here problem start)
Actual i am not understood why he is asking now, then i feel that if every time i oppose them then it look like that i am insulting them, that's why i ask my mother what to do ? my mother reply me that, we have to give first preference to then, as it's their right, then on next day i told my wife whatever amount he willing to pay that he can pay., suddenly my wife get anger on me, i told here cool, you sit for 15 minutes i bring the money from bank., but in angreness she told me that my brother only pay, right now he come and pay all the bills and so on.. and she call her brother, and he reply that i am already left for the job, so to control situation, i put one proposal that, if he want to pay bill then right now i pay the bill and tell him that he can prepare F.D. in the name of child, but she is not agree, finally evening here brother come and pay the bills it's around Rs. 38000/- and then she come at our residence, that time also my mother take care about her, my mother time to time provide her food, even one single single "Chapati" give to here on her bad,
but in her mind one thing get fit that my mother teach me all this thing, and now she told to all relative that they are seen only money and not relation, after 40 day's completed she went to her mother place (She carry all the original ornament which we have given to her & whatever she carry at the time of marriage ) from last 2 month i am try to convenience here, but now she is using such a bad languages for me & my mother,
I have put this matter in front of their relatives also, they also told me that we try to make her understand, but they also fail. now my wife & her father put condition in front of me that if you separate then only she come, even on this diwali day we have not received any phone call from her parents, nor she come to meet my parents.......... and she is not give me call nor she reply my message,, she told me that whenever you want to meet child you come and meet... i am regularly visiting and meet my child hoping that one day it resolve, but not i am not seen any response from her, all suggest me that give here time and don't visit for some day's, let's she realize the importance of me, there for last i meet my child on 4th December..... alone i am crying for my child, I don't want to separate from my family, because in my family too much emotional attachment is there we seat together for lunch and if due to any reasone if i am not there then my mother and father also not taking food properly..... pl guide me
She is not clear as to where this ego tussle will lead her to. She has made a judgement error and is living with it without realizing that her baby will miss on the father's love. You really will have to take a tough stand on this. Next time you meet her, tell her that you love her and the baby but can't give up on your family. Then just keep the amount of money that her brother paid next to your baby and leave her house without arguing. Then don't meet her or call her for next few days, ensure that you narrate this story to her best friends (not family). This will shock her and trust me this is enough lesson to her and she will mend her ways.
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QUESTION: I try to contact her friends, but they don't want to interferer in this, they all know that she is "Jiddi", and one day i call her outside, you don't believe i cray in front of her around 2 hours, And i try to explain everything infect without my mistake also i say sorry to her and say if you want then i am ready put my head down to your feet.
but she try to convince me that if you want wife and child then you take separate house and she is ready to do job to help me monetary.
On this 14th December our Marriage Anniversary she has not given me a call just send me Child Photo through MMS., and after received her MMS, i have also forwarded one beautiful Anniversary message to her.,
Even i explain her that once this Time pass then it never come again, and we are the age of 33-35, this is the age of love, romance etc... and even my child is also 4 month i miss his each and every moments, his fist smile, he might start to turn now., all this.
I feel that she doesn't have any emotion, Now a day's in this situation my health & my parents health also effected., my parents age around 68 in this age if health effect then it's too much difficult to recover now. Can i give her phone number can u talk on my behalf or can u suggest any good Councillor in (Mulund- Mumbai) who can help us.
In this case you just follow this step by step :
Next time you meet her, tell her that you love her and the baby but can't give up on your family. Then just keep the amount of money that her brother paid next to your baby and leave her house without arguing. Then don't meet her or call her for next few days, ensure that you narrate this story to her best friends who call her 'ziddi'.
You have done enough to save this marriage and she is right now basking in the glory that her father/brother will support her. But how long will that last? A kid needs 24x7 care and she is ignoring that fact, so it's time you acted tough and put your foot down.