Question We have been married for 12 years and have three children. Our marriage has been in conflict for a long time. My husband calls me names and refuses to apologize and if I tell him my feelings are hurt, he says I deserve it. I want to visit my family 1500 miles away and he told me if I fly there I can STAY there, because he wants to drive. I know that I am very sensitive and subject to crying when we argue. I grew up w/ an alcoholic father who criticized me a lot too. I do not want to act like a victim, but I would like to ask if his behavior sounds like emotional abuse. He says our troubles are mostly my fault. If I disagree w/ him he says I am oppositional and dismisses my concerns. I do not have a friendship w/ him and feel like he really doesn't like me. I am not perfect but I do not call him names or talk disrespectfully to him. I feel very alone and unloved by the person who should defend my self-esteem and care about my feelings most. I feel like he tries to get me to change, like exercise more, and if I don't he holds it against me. How do I communicate better with him so he takes me seriously? thank you for your help
Answer Hold your ground on the "no name-calling" rule. He sounds abusive, and you should not let him get away with it. Have an agreement there will be no name-calling, and that you will work hard to get rid of anger in your relationship. You could get support for this by seeing a counselor together.
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