Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Is my marriage worth saving?

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Question
I been married for 13 years with a 7 year old daughter. All these years my husband never had a full time job, he have atleast 2 part time jobs and that's all. He is not interested in finding a job, he either say he is over qualified or no one will hire him for no experience. He stayed home with our daughter until she started preschool, and all these years I am working full time and supporting our family. And all these years his parents help us pay rent/mortgage; while he stayed home, drink, sleep late and chores are waiting for me when I get home. He tends to be verbally abusive when he gets too drunk. About 6-9 months he moved out of our house; he still pay our mortgage from his inheritance and I continue paying his insurances. But he refuse to move back to our home for reason that he hate it and is an old house that needed a lot of upgrade. He suggest that I sell the house or rent it because there's no way he is moving back. In spite of that we continue seeing each other and do stuff together with our daughter. So recently he met people he called friends who like him,spent time drinking and doesn't work, which created some problem because he spend too much time with them partying.

So yesterday Christmas eve and today Christmas day he did not come to celebrate with us. After all these, I made some thinking that there is no left for us, although we have feelings it is fading away because of situation. I am waiting for some changes, for some improvement but is unreachable. I don't see any reason to keep on hoping....

Answer
Hazel,
I wish you a happy Xmas, but i guess it hasn't been that for you. His attitude towards his marriage and responsibilities are somewhat lacking. His drinking will not help at all,but is his drinking too much being caused by other issues(although its no excuse) I wonder if perhaps trying to talking to him;sit him down and discuss the problems you are having with his attitude. I would also listen to his reasons too. Be open as you can be,try and not be too judgmental. There is a reason for almost everything;i can't think of any reason why is has almost given up on the marriage,but he must have one. Your question was : should you give up, well if you want your marriage to work , then you should work at saving it. On the other hand,perhaps you should ask your hubby that very question, does he want it to work?  I don't think he should be let off so lightly though. I wish you all the best, but Hazel, if he wont change then its time that you do.

Graham

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Graham Smith B.PHIL

Expertise

I can help with any question on marriage, based on my 32 years of marriage. I also have two children, and one granddaughter,and one step grandaughter.

Experience

32years of marriage.

Education/Credentials
I have a bachelor of Philosophy from the Liverpool university (UK)

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bachelor of Philosophy

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