Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Uncaring ,egoistic,arrogant husband
I am 33 years old and married for 9 years with a son of 5 years and 10 months.I and both my husband work for software companies.
I live with my husband, Kid,mother-in-law and a divorced brother in law who is also a doctor.
My husband is very uncaring about me.
he does not think that i need moments of warmth and coziness.
he does not pamper me or show his love.if i am depressed he takes the easy way out keeping mum and
considering that time will heal.
yes time does heal but it also chops off the respect the love once i felt for him.
We communicate mostly work or responsibility related matter.
he does not like socialising.we rarely go out with friends.
I am colorful by nature and like to talk to people.
But i feel at a fix where husband wives group together and we are invited but he does not want to come.
once i told him i am having some medical problem and need some medical testes to be done.
he did not even ask what test.
he rarely calls my parents while i take care of her mother a lot.
its all one sided.
he thinks sex and food is the answer to all.
As if we are animals.
He also communicates very less about his feelings.
i dont get to know what does he think.
i am getting fed up.
Any suggestion will be of immense help.
Its very strange to read that he cant even communicate with you without;well almost using his own family as a support unit. Now, i don't know if your marriage was arranged or not,but its the love and caring problem that appears to be the main fault here. I have found this site for you to look at ,it might help as i am afraid to offer a personal insight because of any culture values you have;and i do not want to upset any of your own family beliefs.
Here a small piece from the website.
Many of us assume that our relationships should just work out by virtue of our inherent goodness and kindness. Our thinking goes something like this: "Human beings are naturally loving, caring, committed individuals who only need to find the right kind of partner to live happily ever after."
The truth about human relationships is often the opposite, however. Most of us have been "programmed" to fail in our interpersonal relationships, and if we follow our automatic tendencies, we will destroy any union that matters to us.
To succeed in our relationships, therefore, we must learn to recognize and deal with the hidden relationship-destroying patterns within us. Not only must we know how to deal with these patterns in ourselves, but we must also know how to deal with similar patterns in other people as well.
We have already discussed several of these patterns. Take the issue of control, for instance. Much of our relationship stress comes from our conscious and unconscious efforts to change or control other people. We want others to behave in certain ways, and when we can't get them to, we become angry and resentful. The more we try to change them and fail, the more angry, frustrated, and depressed we are likely to become.
We are also very critical and judgmental of other people. Internal conversations such as GOOD/BAD, RIGHT/WRONG, CAUSE/EFFECT, AND PERFECTIONISM commonly contribute to our interpersonal problems.
NOTE: Many of our relationship-destroying patterns, such as GOOD/BAD, RIGHT/WRONG, PERFECTIONISM, and CONTROL, have positive benefits in our lives as well. As a physician, for instance, I often must distinguish good from bad, and right from wrong. I need to have a reasonable amount of perfectionism in caring for others. And I often need to take control in difficult or life- threatening situations. When I go home, however, and try to assert these same "successful" patterns with my family, friends, or other individuals, conflicts can occur.
Other Key Relationship-Destroying Patterns
In addition to the conversations and action patterns noted above, there are four key patterns that are very destructive to our relationships. If you learn to recognize and deal with these four patterns, you will be able to prevent or eliminate much of the relationship stress you experience.