Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Wasting Time?

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Question
I've been in my relationship for 4+ yrs. We have been living together for 2 yrs. Were both in our early 30's and neither have ever been married. I have two kids and he has none. Our relationship doesn't seem to be growing. We goes days without much affection and sex maybe once a week (if I'm lucky). He's a homebody and doesn't really like to go out much. I'm bored in almost every aspect of the relationship. I couldn't see myself marrying him anytime soon. I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting both of our time. I love him, but not sure if I'm in love with him. We talk about our relationship,but every couple of months I start to feel the same way. He's a good guy just not sure if he's right for me. How do I know for sure. Confused...

Answer
Hi Deanna,

Even for those in a very long term relationship, or maybe I should say especially for those in a long term relationship, couples fall in and out and in and out and in of love many times over the course of the relationship.  "In love" usually means a passion component to the relationship.  As time goes on, we may loose some of that passion due to familiarity or boredom.   Were you a passionate couple; is it part of your nature?   Is every thing else good?  If so, then you can work on restarting the fires.

I am sure you have heard of the concept that what you give, you get.  That is another way of stating KARMA.  To get more affection from him give him more affection.  Make an effort to gently touch his arm or shoulder or hand every time you see him.  Make an effort to have small talk with him, and smile while you are doing it.  Hugs and kisses should become a habit again.  Flirt with him.   After a few weeks of your initiative you should see a marked improvement is his affection toward you.

Sex,  should follow the affection automatically.  But if you need a little kick start there too, seduce him.  Make an effort to look sexy, act sexy, be sexy.  Variety is a spice you should try to use.  Come on to him in places and times he would no expect.

I he asks what you are doing, be honest.  Explain that your relationship has become unexciting and you want to spice it up some.  You want to turn the heat up a notch.  And see if he has any ideas.  Don't talk about how boring it is talk about how you can make it better.  He may have some ideas too.

Have fun making it fun.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Tom Blair

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Questions related to strengthening and saving relationships and marriages. Sexual relationship questions. Published author.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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