Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/marriage

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QUESTION: Hi, thank you for taking the time to advise people, I apologize if this question is a bit lengthy.  I am 21 and married with a newborn. Before the baby was born my wife (whom I love very much) and I got along very well, we had the occasional argument, which were usually short livid, but few serious fights and we communicated very well when it came to most issues, since the child was born however, we seem to argue more then not. What was once a very relaxed atmosphere when we are together has been largely replaced by tension and stress ( not always, but alot of the time)I have a full work and school schedule, but I do try and help with the baby as much as possible, it doesn't seem to help. It seems every day she slips away more and I am becoming really frightaned. I apologize for the length once again, obviously, u do not have to answer, but any advice would be great. All the best

ANSWER: Hi Charles~

Is she still her normal self other than the stress and lack of sleep and adjusting to life with a baby?  If not and if she's not herself at all, then it could be PPD (post-partum depression), such as if she's depressed, not interested in the baby and the list goes on and on.  There are different forms of PPD too.  If you're that concerned and frightened for her, then get her to talk to her doctor.  If it's not anything to do with her mental/emotional well-being, then it could just the be the stress of having a newborn.  There are two things that are life changing events and that's getting married and having children.  It's all in how you go about making time for you as a couple.  Helping her out as much as you can.  Is there family around that can help give her some moral support while you're working or at school?  If so, have them help her out.  

You have every right to be concerned here.  The relationship changes for better or worse when adding children to the mix.  Talk to her and ask her what it is you can do to help her out more.  What would she like from you to help lift the burdens she's going through right now.  Don't give up. I hope this helps you some.  If you have any further or more specific questions please feel free to ask.  I'll try to answer them to the best of my abilities.

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QUESTION: Thank  you for getting back to me, your advice sounds good, I will do my best to follow it. I do have another question, if you don't mind. Before the baby one thing we struggled with was that I was more concerned with organization and cleanliness, and I felt she wasn't doing enough around the house, I would clean when possible, but I have a very tight schedule. ( I also do the cooking) I has dropped the issue from the later stages of pregnancy up to today, but is there a certain point after the birth ( providing her and the baby are physically / emotionally healthy) that I can reasonably ask for more from her?

Answer
Hi Charles~

A clean house can wait, within reason of course.  You'll find out when you have a baby and the baby becomes mobile and crawls and starts to explore and get into everything (then the toddler stage is even more messy around the house) and it becomes tiring, and challenging to constantly to clean up after a family, child, etc.  Trust me when I say this, I've been a stay at home mom for over 20 yrs now and I had four children and my youngest one is 13 and she's a complete pig when it comes to her room, fixing things to eat and the list goes on and on.  It seems like I clean up one mess and I turn around and there's another one to clean up somewhere.  

At any rate, my point here is to not be unreasonable but not to expect something way out of her league that she's able to keep up with.  Having a baby is a very demanding job for a parent.  If you'd like her to do certain things around the house, instead of demanding them (which I'm not saying you do), offer to help her get something done if you can.  Or sit down with her and see if she's willing to put together a simple list of chores to do around the house.  Encouraging her will get better results than expecting too much of her.  It's very overwhelming to be a parent and to raise a baby/child.  I hope this help you some more.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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