Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Emotional Bonding.


QUESTION: Dear Chris

What could be the reasons my wife couldn't answer when i asked her this question mentioned below ?

Question : Whom do you love the most among the four people ?

a. Your Father b. Your Husband c. Your Brother d. Your Son.

She is playing four roles viz Daughter, Wife, Sister and Mother.

Is this a complex question ?. She is not able to answer me in
spite i have asked her several times.

What could be the reason/s ?

Awaiting your reply,

Thanks & Regards,
Prashant S Akerkar

ANSWER: Dear Mr. Akerkar,

My guess would be that she doesn't really know what the answer is. Her non-responsiveness does imply that a. is not the one (you).

However, there is a big difference between "liking" and "loving". Have you asked her which one she "likes" most?

As human beings we have no control over who we like. A person might be attracted to someone he/she is not even married to. Emotions come and go like the wind. A dead leaf will go where ever it is blown. But a living leaf that is stuck on the tree will be blown around but it will never leave the tree. She should be like this living leaf. You should be like the tree. Love is like the life that is in the leaf that never leaves the tree.

But regardless if there is life in the leaf or not the tree has to remain firm in the wind, and never stop providing for, and supporting the leaf.

I hope this helps.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Chris

Thank you.

As you answered me i will see to it that i will never ask this question to my wife again.

But still the curiosity remains from my side, do you feel the probable reason could be, if she takes one name out of the four, the other three might feel hurt ?

Awaiting your reply,

Thanks & Regards,
Prashant S Akerkar

Yes, that could be the case. However, if the other three are not present when she answers, then they would not know, hence they would not be hurt.

I recommend leaving her decision to love entirely up to her, as it is, ultimately, a decision she makes in her heart.

As far as her feelings, that is entirely different.  You can influence how she feels about you.  But a woman can have feelings for someone but not truly love them.  Likewise she can truly love someone and not have feelings for them.

Love is the willing, complete, unconditional giving of self sacrificially.  If she is your wife she is completely yours just as you are hers.  As long as she willingly acknowledges this fact then you can rest assured that she loves you.  If she chooses not to love you, then that is her decision and you will not be able to force her to... precisely because it has to be a free act of her will.  But if she does not love you, that is no excuse for you not to love her because your love for her should be unconditional as well, ie, not dependant on her love for you.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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I can answer questions about the sacrament of matrimony from a Catholic perspective.


I used to have religious vows and I was preparing for the priesthood when I was told my vocation is to the married state. I received the holy sacrament of matrimony in the Catholic Church 15 years ago.

I went to Catholic High School and then after a two year novitiate, I professed vows in a religious order. I was later told my vocation is in the married state. I've been married now since 1995.

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