Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Divorce


I'm 19 years old, and my sister is 15. We have always been a family, moving around a lot across the globe but always stable and happy.
My parents seemed happy too.
My dad moved to Vietnam for work about a year ago, to earn more money for us all, and we stayed here.
Everything still seemed fine, except this morning, my dad calls my mom to tell her he wants a divorce. Nobody was expecting this, not his sister, his parents, or any of us. But he says he's been thinking about it for four years.
He told me he still loves my mother, and that there are reasons why he's doing this, only he can't tell me them yet. He promised to call this week to tell me everything.
I'm heartbroken, and my sister as well, all of us are of course, but my mother shouldn't be alone. She is a good woman, who deserves love and a stable marriage. I don't understand how my father could do this, and although I still love him, I can't believe any of this. The father I remember loves my mother. And I remember him being that man as long ago as yesterday, when he called me for my birthday and said he couldn't wait to see us all again.
I don't understand... what could be a possibly logical explanation for which my family is falling apart after so many years of everything going perfectly well between them?

Hi Tessa~

Hmm.  This does seem a bit strange and sudden give that he's never expressed a concern about divorce before.  There could be another woman in the picture.  And this is why he's holding out on telling you.  Or it could simply be that he's just now realizing how unhappy he truly has been for the last 4 yrs.  It's hard to say why he feels this way.  At the very least he owes you and the family an explanation as to why he's doing this.  He may not have wanted to hurt anyone's feelings along the way.  

He needs to sit down with your mom and have a serious heart to heart talk with her.  He needs to tell your mom how this all is affecting him.  And what he's willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  If he still wants a divorce, then that will have to be his choice and he'll be the one that ultimately has to live with this decision for the rest of his life.  

Divorce hurts and it takes a serious toll on the whole family involved, not just the couple going through the divorce.  In time things can get better, but that usually takes quite a while for all the anger and bitterness to wear off (and some ppl never get over one).  If you have counseling available to you in your area I would encourage you to attend, if at all possible.  Hopefully they will agree to work it out.  But that remains to be seen.  Whichever way it goes you'll have to try to prepare yourself for it the best that you can.  I hope this helps you some.  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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