Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/My husband lies about money

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Question
My husband is older than me by 30 yrs. We have been married for 4 years & have two wonderful kids. I know he loves me as much as I love him but, he doesnt include me when it comes to our money. He makes me feel like is his money not ours. We dont have a joined bank account I don't know how much is in his account and if I needd money I have to ask him. He never tells me when he gets bonuses and even lies about how much we get on our tax return. I've done everything I can to show him how much I love him and that am not with him for his money but nothing changes. I feel like he doesnt trust me and I dont know how long am going to put up with it. It hurts me that he does that and it makes me wonder what else does he lie about. Please tell me if I am over reacting.

Answer
Jessie,

I think you do have a legitimate concern if you think he is not telling you the truth. It is not good, of course, to lie to one's spouse.

On the other hand, he is your husband and as such he is your head. It is traditionally the husband's role to control the money. I don't see anything wrong with your asking him for what you need and for him to tell you what to (or what not to) spend it on.

Of course it's always preferable that this be made clear to both parties prior to the wedding.

You mentioned that your husband is a lot older than you. I'm sure part of this is due to his having lived so many years alone.

I recommend that you make every effort to respect his desire to control the money. Ask him for what you need, and respect his decisions obediently. That way you will both live out the rest of your days happily married.

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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