Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Please help me
QUESTION: Hi, I am 28 fell in love with a married man. He is smart, good looking and handsome. On my first date he took me to a movie. Upto 1st half he never tried to flirt with me. After the interval he started touching my hand, I couldn't control, I entertained. After the movie we romanced. He promised he would take me to a nice restaurant for lunch next time. But he didn't keep his promise, he directly called me to hotel saying we can romance freely. Even i was so sexually driven that i said yes and we had great sex. He promised me he would take me out for shopping, movie and a day trip. But again he broke his promise and called me for sex. I rejected. Immediately he started asking about my friends and to introduce them. i was damn hurt. I gave a break for almost 15 days. He started calling again for sex. i was so uncontrollable that i had sex with him. After sex he again started asking to send my friend to him. that was the worst day for me to digest his attitude. he never said he loves me. he always calls for sex, if i reject he asks me to send my friend. whenever i tell i am with my friends he always requests me to take him along so that he can have sex with any of my friend. he never takes me out. he only calls for sex. i am totally annoyed with his attitude. at the same time i am not able to forget him. i always wait for his call. I know it was my fault for jumping into sex with him so fast. what kind of person is he. now i want to teach him a lesson can you help me on this.
ANSWER: Hi Veronica~
First off, he's a married man, so he should be off limited to any woman (besides his wife, of course). However, he clearly does not care for you or her or he wouldn't be using you to sleep with him. He's using you and taking advantage of you, by promising you these things, he's setting you up for a huge let down. He's completely untrustworthy as well. He's proven to be a liar too. He knows that you've fallen for him in some way, especially if the sex is really good and he knows you'll want to come back for more. Not only is he using you and taking full advantage of your attraction to him he's disrespecting you as a woman. This has got to stop. He's on the prowl for other women besides you so he can get sex from them. Shame on him for using you, you have got to stop enabling him by giving into him (I completely understand that in a sense you're addicted to him). He's bad news and he's bad for you.
To get even with him per se you need to cut all ties with him. By doing this this will drive him crazy and he'll keep pursuing you. Don't give into his needs or pressure from him by him constantly barraging you with request to have sex with him. If you keep answering his calls, agreeing to meet up with him, he will never leave you alone, ever. You have to cut him off completely. Don't fall for his lies and smooth talking. As a woman he's insulting you by asking you to do nothing but to have sex with him for his selfish sexual needs/wants, and when it's convenient for him at that. Then he has the nerve and audacity to ask you if you can contact your friends to have sex with him?! What in the hell is wrong with him?!
At any rate I'm not judging you, rather trying to get you see what he's doing and how easily he's discovered how he can play with your mind. To get even with him is to cut him off and move on with your life. I know it's easier said than done. He's going to ruin your self-esteem, if he hasn't already done so. You must hold yourself to a higher standard. You are worth more than him calling you up and trying to get a booty call from you (booty call means that a person calls you when they are interested in nothing for sexual favors or to have sex). You deserve way better than that. There are men out there that will love and respect you and actually will want to get to know you for you, not what you can give them physically or otherwise. You're going to have to stand up to him and say no more, I will not be that kind of woman for you, go find someone else to do that with. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make. I hope this helps you some.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for your precious time. And i totally agree with you. He is a desperate man. All he wants is sex. Shame on him. off late he called my mobile many times, i didn't receive his call. He started calling everyday. I got pissed off and ended up taking his call. I straight away rejected him for sex. As usual he started asking about my friends. I blasted him not to call again. Is he psycho? is he trying to test my loyalty by asking about my friends as he is an extreme introvert. So many question arises cos of his strange attitude. Though its tough for me to forget him as i had physical and emotional bonding with him, but i will surely cut him off completely. Though our last conversation was harsh, I am sure he is going to call me again after some days as he is a cheap person and he has none in his life to move on. I am thinking to change my number so that he can never call me. But since he is my far colleague chances of him getting my new number are more. Is this changing number going to work? Can you please help me in guiding how i can cut him off completely. Or shall i make him fall in love with me badly and leave him completely so that he suffers every minute as i suffered. My heart says i should teach him a lesson. If yes then can you give me some ideas how to make a married man fall in love madly.
Also my weakness is i fall for bad boys/men. Married Men especially. Why so? I have a very good friend he likes me alot but i never fell for him.
ANSWER: Hi Veronica~
The worst thing that you can do to him is to completely ignore him. This way it will drive him absolutely crazy and he'll want to call you all the time. And since you've rejected him, this has now become a challenge for him to get you to talk to him, to have sex with him, or to have anything to do with him. I would discourage you from talking to him period. If you do then you're only encouraging him to keep contacting you. All this will do is cause you more madness and stress, which is unnecessary to do to yourself, not to mention you might become tempted to take his calls and to eventually talk to him. He's so not worth it. Dump him and be D.O.N.E with him. Again this will be the best revenge you can get and to show him you're moving on with your life and he will not be able to sway or influence you to sleep with him anymore.
As for you falling for the bad boy or married men. Perhaps you feel challenged by it. Or you figure subconsciously that they are already taken and you don't have to worry about settling down with him, marrying them, having a serious relationship with them. Or you just are flat out attracted to guys that you know are bad news or that should be off limits. Why would you want someone's leftovers when you can have one man all to yourself that doesn't have any drama and baggage that comes with him. You deserve to be treated with love, care and respect from a man. You have to set your standards in men a bit higher than you currently do. You have to change your mindset on this. Remember you control you and who you let in and out of your life. Don't feel you have to settle anything less than what you deserve in life.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks alot for your advice. I am surely going to cut him off and stay focused in life. Incase if that person tries to trouble me cos i cut him off, I request your help in follow up question. Thanking you again and i love your quick replies.
Sorry it took me a little while to reply, been super busy the last couple of days though. You're more than welcome to contact me again, and if I can help I'd be more than happy to help you to the best of my abilities. I hope that he gets the hint and leaves you alone. Be strong and don't allow him to play manipulating games with you. Take care!