Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/Problems in marriage

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"I need help and advise in my situation...it goes back to the days of my childhood..since when I was a kid, I had seen my parents in an abusive relationship and have been living through it all my life myself until I got married.life at home as a kid was very difficult ...hearing abusing words form both parents, siblings and eventually even I started to learn it from them.every single day was like hell for us,either with physical abuse, verbal or emotional one.even at the age of college, we were being hit by my father and I feel because of that these have become a part of us..internally or influenced us badly.we would search for love outside the house, be it from a friend, relative or lover.

And particularly in my case, I personally am a very very short tempered girl, and always prompt in my actions of saying against what I donot like.This along with the internal abuses and mental insecurities, I have carried it into my marriage.at the beginning everything was fine, atleast until people dint bother much in our relationship.but as my husbands sister stays near us, she used to constantly interfere, or atleast I felt it that way that I am not getting much importance by him as much he gives his sister.as newly wed couples , anyone would like to be with their spouse , but almost everyday we used to go to their house. I didn't mind going over, but even I wanted my own private time with my husband.am I wrong in expecting that?anyways things started becoming worse as he used to never care enough for his own family, but would think only of his sister and his family.even though I had that insecurity in my deep hearts somewhere (because of the things happened in my life until then),I stayed calm and would get along well with them too..later I started to have serious verbal abuses from my mom-in-law too for even very minor issues.even if I had complained those matters to my husband, he wouldn't heed a word or say anything.

"I need help and advise in my situation...it goes back to the days of my childhood..since when I was a kid, I had seen my parents in an abusive relationship and have been living through it all my life myself until I got married.life at home as a kid was very difficult ...hearing abusing words form both parents, siblings and eventually even I started to learn it from them.every single day was like hell for us,either with physical abuse, verbal or emotional one.even at the age of college, we were being hit by my father and I feel because of that these have become a part of us..internally or influenced us badly.we would search for love outside the house, be it from a friend, relative or lover.

And particularly in my case, I personally am a very very short tempered girl, and always prompt in my actions of saying against what I donot like.This along with the internal abuses and mental insecurities, I have carried it into my marriage.at the beginning everything was fine, atleast until people dint bother much in our relationship.but as my husbands sister stays near us, she used to constantly interfere, or atleast I felt it that way that I am not getting much importance by him as much he gives his sister.as newly wed couples , anyone would like to be with their spouse , but almost everyday we used to go to their house. I didn't mind going over, but even I wanted my own private time with my husband.am I wrong in expecting that?anyways things started becoming worse as he used to never care enough for his own family, but would think only of his sister and his family.even though I had that insecurity in my deep hearts somewhere (because of the things happened in my life until then),I stayed calm and would get along well with them too..later I started to have serious verbal abuses from my mom-in-law too for even very minor issues.even if I had complained those matters to my husband, he wouldn't heed a word or say anything.
Then came the actual problem..for some reason there were no words between me and my husbands sister.later because of that I used to not like my husband going to his sisters family and would stop him, but even then he would say he wants them.my point was..when I am not being given that much respect why should he care for them .so because of that I wouldn't tolerate him going there or even talking to them.as a result verbal abuse would follow..and even physical abuses . I would start it ...later we both eventually get involved in it..sometimes I would become so abusive that I would hurt myself by hitting against the wall, try to cut my fingers with knife, drink some cleaners . I would badly do verbal abuse against him, hit him like anything, would just walk out of the house at mid nights.i would just become so insane that I wouldn't know what I would do..I would hit him badly at times and even then sometimes he wouldn't bother or try to console me...in a way I would threaten him...I had become so possessive that I would even let him talk to anyone when he is with me..I used to feel I am not given that much importance as he gives his family.so I behaved very badly with him as a result of which he served me with a divorce papers.

Now that I have realized my mistakes and how much I have hurt him,i feel like confessing my mistakes and am even ready to face the consequences of it.i am feeling very guilty over what has happened and is killing my conscience very much that I sometimes feel like suiciding. I need help to get over this.please kindly help me.i donot want to leave him but have a happy life with kids...would I be forgiven for my mistakes and actions?please guide me to become a better person.

Answer
I recommend that you strengthen your faith as a foundation of values and beliefs that give hope, meaning, and direction for healthy choices. It would strengthen your relationship to become part of a community that supports your faith. This website may provide the help that you need http://www.wbschool.org and also http://www.church-of-christ.org  

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

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Daniel Keeran, MSW

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I can answer questions about issues arising in marriage: conflict, communication, listening, anger, verbal abuse, household responsibilities, infidelity, addiction/substance abuse, pornography, physical abuse, time spent together, finances, in-laws, death of a spouse or child, separation and divorce, problem-solving and much more. FREE PDF DOWNLOAD "Counseling In A Book" http://www.ctihalifax.com/images/CounselingInABook.pdf

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I have over 30 years as a counselor for couples experiencing difficulties. I have been a counselor for over 30 years in private practice and hospital settings. For deeper understanding and healing childhood experiences affecting adult life and relationships with self and others see the reader-friendly source http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442177993

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"Effective Counseling Skills: the practical wording of therapeutic statements and processes" at http://tinyurl.com/yen574x and "Loss and Grief Counseling Skills" at http://tinyurl.com/35da8ov

Education/Credentials
MA (University of Kentucky), MSW (Kent School of Social Work)

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