Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship/My husband does not provide

Advertisement


Question
Please I need help. For the last five years I have been living into a nightmare, my husband has a strong co-dependency with his mother as well with everything related with his ex-wife because he is not able to put some boundaries and I don't know what to do.Besides all these extreme issues, now I am so deep in debt (he has been out of work for more than a year) I have been paying for EVERYTHING since I asked him not to take more money from his mama because she was in between all the time. I have been asking him in several different ways to look for a job even if he is also a full time student, He changes his mind very often, now he is planning to change his major and I feel that I do not have any security at all. Last Friday we had a little accident and because of it, I found out that he was without insurance and without the vehicle's tag even if I gave him the money to pay for. I was so upset, I asked him about the money, he replied that was a ridiculous amount of money even when I gave him a thousand dollars and that he simply didn't pay. I got enough, I asked him to leave my house and his reply was that I don't let him to be the head of the house, that I tear him down and that it is all about money. I need to see for my two kids, and I don't want to go on with someone that does not have any commitment with us. His mother is all the time fixing his troubles. I thought I was marrying a mature guy and not a child. He is almost 50 years old, I don't know what to do, I am from other country, without a car, without a cell, living from a 100 miles from the civilization. I feel incarcerated and I am quite sure that because of my current circumstances he feels like I need him to move. Please help me, I love him but I don't want for my kids to grew up with that kind of example. I am really desperate.

Answer
Hi Brenda,

I'm not sure if I understand...have you been married for five years? are the children his? Do you work? ( you must if you give him money)

I could help you better if I had more details.

But bottom line is, he has to get off his butt and work, in this day and age households need two incomes to survive. I admire the fact that he is in school and bettering himself but, he needs to provide for his family, he has responsibilities.

If you love him, be honest and tell him that you need a partner that is going to fight along side you to provide for the family.
These feelings are not healthy and are going to lead unfortunately to a separation, which I am sure neither of you want.

This is workable but you must communicate, don't let money get in the way.

My advise, sit down tell him you Love him and that something has to be done, concerning the financial issues. See what he says, if he does not respond positively, then you take the next step....which you will you know what it is if and when you need to take it.

Trust yourself!

Blessings,
Maria

Marriage and the Husband-Wife Relationship

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Maria Vento

Expertise

I am a mother of three, one girl two boys. My first marriage lasted 25 years, married now for one year. I can be a witness for your relationship issues with marriage, divorce,and children, and or health. I can help you understand your situation and try to find a solution for you and your partner. Health issues, cancer ect., Anger, rejection, betrayal. I am a Reiki facilitator, I donate my time to help cancer patients deal with pain management. My perspective to problems or circumstances come from a spiritual place. To help you see purpose and meaning and always approach a situation from a loving place. I speak/write English and Spanish

Experience

Reiki I and II facilitator (over 20yrs) Ordained Minister (15 yrs) Hypnosis Therapist- past life regression (10 yrs) Sound Therapist (7yrs)

Organizations
Gilda's Club for Cancerr Patients Hakensack, NJ

Education/Credentials
Reiki I and II facilitator (over 20yrs) Ordained Minister (15 yrs) Hypnosis Therapist- past life regression (10 yrs) Sound Therapist (7yrs) Professional singer for over 25 years In college majoring in Journalism

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.